Thursday, January 27, 2005

Re-Group and Re-Attack

The maintenance of the objective.

I will not wait for these stupid people to get their thumbs out of their asses and come back to me with a new shoot date for the video. Fuck them. I will carry out my own plans. If they get back to me then great, I might change my plans but I cannot waste my time running around after clueless muppets.

There was a much smaller idea I had for a low budget video for my friends dance track which I had actually post-poned to fit in this bigger idea. I will resume work on this.

A couple of days ago I met another guy, a local guy - a fucking good producer who has some pretty fucking good hip-hop tracks and a couple of good UK Garage tracks. This might lead somewhere - but I really need to show him some "relevant" examples of work... and this means "music" videos. So it is my abosolute priority to get some done.

I am "out there" -I can feel it, and I really need to make these small steps in order to continue to make bigger ones. I think a lot of it is to do with momentum which once built up is a very powerful force.

At the moment everything has stalled - Or at least it seems to have stalled - It is within my capabilities to jump start things, which often only takes a few phone calls/e-mails.

So that is what I must do.

If the people are stalling and wasting time.

Fuck them. Move on. Find somebody else.

If they are clueless and stupid

Fuck them. Move on. Find somebody else.

If they don't know what to do

Fuck them, find somebody who does.

If they get back to me with a Greenlight (money and they approve idea)


but Until then

Fuck them.

Fuck me, I must be bored.

0- The number of illegal substances I have touched in the last 4 years.
1 - The number of times I have been arrested.
2- The number of times I had my heart Broken in 2004
3 - The number of languages I can speak. *not all fluently*
4 - The number of continents I have set foot upon. (my geography might let me down here)
6 - The number of pairs of trainers that I own.
7 - The number of pairs of shoes that I own.
9 - the number of foreign countries I have actually been in and walked around in.
10 - My shoe size. (UK size)
11 - My shoe size (US Size)
16 1/2 - My neck size (inches)

22 - The Ideal age of my girlfriend according to the equation. Her age=(his age/2) + 9.
26 - My age.

33 - My waist size (inches)
40 - My Chest size (inches)
44 - My shoe size (European Size)
74 - My weight (kg)
175 - My height (cm)

1004 - The number of hits on my blog (at time of writing)
1004 - The number of hits on my blog that was probably me checking the number of hits.

4450 - The Number of Songs on My iPod.

And a little bonus story:

1 - The number of times the following has happened.
3 - The number of consecuetive numbers on a roulette wheel I successfully bet on.
14 - The Second Number
19 - The Third Number
27 - The First Number
90 - the approximate number of seconds my winning streak lasted.
555 - The number of pounds I won.
46,656 to 1 - The odds of this happening.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

We Are Human

Dear readers, first I must beseech your pardon, and then humbly beg your indulgance.

I am about to break one of my own self-imposed blog rules by offering up what is essentially my opinion on something which is deeply personal and unique to each individual.


I have been listening to the Third (technically fourth) Album by Daft Punk - "Human After All" and I call truly say that it is utterly fantastic. I have heard half of the songs already and I can say without hesitation that Daft Punk are truly the best Electro Funk group in existence.

The Album is perfectly fantastic.

Any cunt that disagrees with me can:

  • Lick my balls
  • Kiss my ass
  • Suck my pee-pee.

Anyhow, I got a phone call a couple of days ago from somebody rather precious to me. It was a sort of confession.

To cut a needlessly long story short, as some of you may be aware, I control an Army of Flying Monkees, a group to which my lovely sister belongs to.

As part of my Army I asked her to vote for HG in the recent saga which shall forever be remembered as the Blog Wars. Anyway, she read a bit of HeroineGirls excellent site and in doing so found a link to my site and has been reading mine ever since.

She phoned me up to let me know that she had been reading - which I found rather nice of her. I don't really mind her reading since she is my sister and I must point out that she is lovely and unlike the Lord of Doom, she is quite nice. In some ways this is quite a good thing cos when I speak to her on the phone I don't have to waste precious oxygen telling her what I am up to. I can just point her in the direction of my Blog.

Perhaps Blogging spells the Demise of meaningful interpersonal communication?

Anyway, dear readers, I find myself begging your pardon again as I break another self imposed rule and say,

"Hello, Sis!"

Don't worry - this pathetic display of human sentimentality is a one-off.

(oh yeah, sis, I'm gonna get that Daft Punk CD for you too. You lucky, lucky girl.)

(She too demonstrates flair and taste in her delight of all things Punk de la Daft.)

Tuesday, January 25, 2005


It is quite astonishing how good it feels to walk down the street in a pair of brand new, gleaming bright, be seen at night white trainers.

I put them on and I feel like the fucking man.


Come get some.

Monday, January 24, 2005

Let down

I am gunning for somebody.

They have postponed the shoot by 1 - 2 weeks.


She said to me, "So what next? Do you have any more ideas? Any more thoughts about locations or anything?"

"What do you mean, we have sent you the next idea, we had a meeting on Friday with _____ about it, didn't she tell you?"

"Oh yeah she did."

"Well this is a good idea, it is stong, I like it, she likes it, it will make her look good and the idea is do-able. I cannot do anything more until you greenlight the idea."

She said she would call me in a couple of days.

I said I would call her tomorrow.

And I fucking will.

The cunt of it is, is that I delayed another shoot because of this. And I want to follow this up with some other stuff. This is boring.

A stupid and boring delay.

So what the fuck do I do tomorrow? I was ready to start work on this.

If I am sensible I should start making calls about the location. We need a big nightclub for a whole day. I will probably oversleep tomorrow and do nothing.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Green Light?

Holy shit.

Had a meeting today with the Artist, Me and my Producer. (The emperor)

They seem to like the idea.

(It was tough to get there, in the end we went with one of my Producers ideas and developed it to fit the song.)

The artist and her manager have two days to "greenlight" the video, which means by Sunday at the latest they have to say Yes or No.

It looks good.

Anyway, more immediate and more gratifying for me was that I saw a triple crisp girl who sat opposite me on the train ride home. As she sat down she smiled at me.

And I smiled back.

For 20 minutes or so I kept on sneaking glances at her face. She was close to immaculate. Her skin was delicate and soft, her cheeks, hair, eyes, mouth and chin looked so wonderously crafted that I could do nothing but marvel.

I made sure that I got off the train at the same stop as her and I said to her,

"Excuse me, but you have got to be the most beautiful girl that I have seen all year."

We spoke for a short while and then I said goodbye.

She was probably only 18 or 19, which is honestly a bit too young - and as she was reading her book on the train and I noticed her moving her lips as she read to herself. The only excuse for this would have been that she was foreign and learning English, but alas this was not true.

Ah well.

But I would be happy to read to her.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Music Video Treatments

The artist's manager was supposed to call me tonight.

She didn't

I fear that this is because the first treatment that I wrote was so fucking shit that she probably passed out from shock.

I have just this moment finished my third treatment. And finally I think I am on to an idea that works within the budget, and ticks all the boxes required.

I only hope that they read the fucking e-mail I sent them.

Perhaps they have blocked me?

If they "greenlight" it this weekend then we do not have long at all until the shoot - maybe 8 days or something bollocks like that.

This is gonna be tight, but in some ways I am not afraid because I know that what we are trying to do is not impossible. I will have to take a week off from my regular job which should be enough - it means that I will be 100% available for this.

(There is the issue of the Test Commercial that I was supposed to finish off this month but I suppose that will have to wait a little longer.)

This is the first shoot I have done in 6 months, and the first music video I have ever done. Part of me wants to feel nervous, but funnily enough I don't actually have time to be nervous because there is so much to do.

This is what I want to do with my life, so I need to just fix up my shit and do what I have to do.

Failure is not an option.

Not even for a moment.

It comes down to trust.

And I have to trust myself first.

Thursday, January 20, 2005


Picture the scene:

I am donned in my tailored 3-button pinstripe grey suit, my tailored shirt (open at the top two buttons with my gold chain visible at the top, brown wood style finish Kurt Geiger shoes, brown leather gloves and 3/4 length wool top coat.

Now, in another post I shall speak of my efforts and motivation to become well dressed but right now it the pertinent element here is how my appearance was causing me to send up a signal flare to those around me more or less telling them to come and kill me.

For it is now ten minutes past midnight and I am walking down Coldharbour Lane in Brixton.

(there are some who might mock me, claiming that Brixton is not that bad - perhaps it isn't but I was walking along Cold Harbour Lane - And for those that know - this is not just getting in a boxing ring with Mike Tyson, it is stripping down naked, handing him some KJ Jelly and then saying to his face that he is a cunt. Some people I know, won't even drive down this road.)

I did not plan to be here. I had been chasing around after my new Latvian friend and I had jumped on a bus so that I could carry on talking with her whilst she went home after work.

So I am listening to my iPod and it is raining. Aware of the growing peril I discretely turn it off and pop the headphones into my pocket.

Within moments some guy is coming up to me asking for 80 pence. Of course, he does not want 80 pence. He is sizing me up, probing for weakness. Looking for any sign that might betray fear.

I am not a tough guy. I do not pretend to be. But I can blend. I am from South London. Not the nicest part, but not the worst. When I went to New York a few years ago I remember my cousin just saying to me that I should walk like I owned the place and then villians would not home in upon you as an outsider. This is a given, but a nice way of expressing what we all know already.


My clothes were saying to everybody the exact opposite.


A few hours before my clothes were helping me. Now they were gonna get me fucked up if I was not careful.

Don't get me wrong dear readers, I was not scared. Just mindful that any of these villians if tempted would be able to fuck me up pretty bad. My shoes (beautiful as they may be) are not conducise to maintaining balance and grip if the need is required.

Now I don't like spending money when I don't have to... and I had a travel card which means I could have found a bus or some shit.

Who knows? maybe I would have managed okay. Maybe my body language would have been enough, maybe my face would have been enough, maybe my voice telling the guy I was cool would have been enough, maybe my luck would have been enough?


I wasn't temped to find out.

I got the fuck out, found a cab office.

Best fucking £15 I ever spent.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Bad Idea

Fuckity Fuck.

I have less than days to come up with an idea for a video.

All I have is a few sequences.

But no "hook" which will mean I have a core idea.

Fuckity fuck.

Experience tells me that this blank sheet will be overcome and that I have to punch through it...

but how...?


Last year there was a lady manager whom I spoke with a little about doing a music video for an artist that she represented- we arranged a meeting which she promptly cancelled via (horror of horrors) text message.

Waste of time.

End of story.

Or so I thought.

Last Thursday she left me a message saying she wanted to arrange a meeting - which we set up today between me, her and the Emperor. (my producer)

I could detect anxiousness in her voice when I spoke to her so I suspected that she might be in a bit of a pickle and really need a video being shot very quickly.

In short, the meeting seemed to go quite well... she turned up 45 minutes late... but it seems that they are in a pickle and want a video finished by the 5th of February.

That is 2 and half fucking weeks.

And so it seems that they have no choice but to come through myself and the Emperor. So it seems that I am the only person lined up to do it.

This will be the first music video (low budget or otherwise) that I have ever shot - and fate seems to be helping me out in the sense that I think we managed to make her "overlook" this fact that washing over the subject.

Don't worry, dear readers, I know what I am doing.

Or more importantly I will surround myself with people that do.

Anyhow, I am actually quite calm about the whole thing which is a surprise. I have just sat down and written a rough "treatment" (Condensed idea - preliminary stuff, not really detailed) and as much as I'd like to share how I am feeling and stuff, I am quite tired of writing.

But first things first, I am passionate about the idea.

Anyhow, if all goes well, in 3 weeks I will have my first music video completed.

And so my journey develops further.

I really hope that this Diary of a Bum will let me chronicle my adventure into my chosen career.
I have never spoken about the doubt and fear that shadowed me when I was younger - in a way it seems to be forgotten. In no way have I acheived "external" success but I do believe that my success is "internal" and if I keep doing what I am doing then I will achieve what I hope.

Right now, I can only follow my heart and trust in the almighty.

Wish me luck

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

My Dreams Come True (Technically)

Last Saturday a small touch of fate made me realise that things are definately changing for me.

It is my present ambition to become a professional Music Videos and Commercials director. In order to acheive this I would need to have "Representation" by a production company which I would work through.

I am working on a version of my showreel which I intend to blitz Ad-Agencies and Production companies with in order to secure representation and move on towards obtaining profession (that is: Paid) work.

But cut back to last Saturday - I am having a meeting with my producer. Let us call him The Emperor, as I feel he resembles what I humbly believe to be what a Roman Emperor would look like.

Now, I have been working with the Emperor on various low budget things over the last couple of years. One of the first meetings we ever had was in the same place we were in last Saturday. And suddenly I remembered his words from two years ago.

Essentially he was talking about how he was taking on new directors and working with them and taking his company forwards blah blah - I remember thinking that this would be a cool thing to be involved with, but I somehow remember feeling that I was not part of this yet... and would not be unless I somehow proved myself.

Anyhow cut back to the present - I, of course, have been working with the Emporor for the last couple of years, what he said was that his production company was moving onwards and that they needed to think of the future. Now, I believe in loyalty, and The Emperor has helped my out immeasurably and I too have helped him out. It has been a mutually beneficial arrangement.

Essentially he wants to take his production company forwards into a professional, organised production company that shoots professional, organised productions. For real money.

And I learned that I am one of the directors he wants to represent. Technically I have acheived my ambition.


And I say this only because the production company is very small, and the volume of professional work is tiny. But things are happening.

With my best efforts I am endeavoring to bring in lo-budget work to the company. All these music videos and things that I am seeing people about and so forth are all jobs I want to take through the company.

With work and effort applied in the correct direction I wonder where things will take me?

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Before Bedtime

I give my face a quick once over with just regular soap and water to dislodge the surface dirt.

Then after gently rubbing my stubble with warm water I begin to apply the Gillette Mach 3 turbo gel.

After a few minutes I can feel the cool tingling sensation that tells me it has softened my stubble and lubricated my skin.

I have the new Gillette Mach 3 electric razor - this is a hyrid between a standard wet shave safety razor and a battery powered electric razor. That is: it is a typical Gillette razor (waterproof too, you can use it in the bath) that takes the standard 3 blade Mach3 turbo razor head. Visibly it would easily go unnoticed as a regular safety razor but in the handle lies the magic, a battery and a small motor. Activated by a discreet switch on the top side of the razor - Hit the switch and it comes to life vibrating 50 times a second.

Each stroke you take - the razor chips dozens of times more for a smoother, closer shave.

No less than beautiful.

Once finished I wash of the rest of the gel with alternating hot and cold water. Taking care to rub cold water over my tired eyelids.

Next I use a special exfoliating facial scrub that contains extracts of Tea Tree Oil and Witch hazel. Careful to avoid the more sensitive skin aroung my eyes I rub in circles around my forehead and cheeks. I then rinse off with alternating hot and cold water.

Once finished I then apply a lift and reveal facial mask by Elizabeth Arden. Using the special applicator I cover my face. Although I leave the majority of the area that I shave untouched. I am not sure why, but the skin seems different there so I tend to leave it alone. After 30 minutes I peel away the face mask which takes away the final layer of debris and scum.

Because it is late and I am tired I do not have the patience to my Shizeido moisturing emulsion which is special made to help rejuvanate a man's skins after shaving and cleansing.

I crawl into bed and fall asleep.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

They are E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E!

The UK exists somewhere between the East and the West - we were in the middle of the cold war... but now the Cold War has been won...

But it was won by the Russians.

For they are quietly invading this country that I call home. Not that I complain, I see the entire world as one country with only once race. Migration is inevitable - and commendable- It keeps the scenery moving and the gene pool interesting.

I can only see it has a good thing. Because I am learning to speak Russian - and there are a whole heap of girls that I get to speak to because of this.

It actually makes me laugh because it is so unbelievably absurd. Every fucking place I go to I will get the chance to speak a little Russian with somebody.... or if I do not feel it is appropriate to reveal my developing skills I simply listen. (After all, just because somebody speaks English, it does not mean I have to waste the air in my lungs with them)

All in all, out of 5 regular places that I waste my time in, 4 of them now have somebody or another that I can converse with in limited Russian. Four months ago this would have been the most absurd notion - That I would be be speaking Russian with people ALL over the place that I went. Which is why it is so ridiculous. It is like a joke in fact.

Most notable of the many I have encountered is a really nice girl from Latvia, who I think I shall be "tryin it on with" very soon. Watch this space for developments. She is learning English; I am learning Russian - together we might learn a great deal.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

HIDDEN POST - Sparkle in my Eyes

(THIS POST WAS HIDDEN FOR SIX MONTHS - the original post was written on the 12th of Jan, I have revealed it on the 7th of July - it will remain here until somebody reads it.)

The Diary of a Bum is my journal; my version of events. Sometimes when I look closely in the mirror I can see sparkles in my eyes... those sparkles are the children I do not yet have but who exist somewhere in my future.

These events exist for them in the past. Perhaps they may even read these words one day - I hope I can convince them that their dad was not always a grey haired, badly dressed loser, and that there was a time when the world was his and the future was an adventure.
(and also when he had an excellent sense of style and and blonde or multi coloured hair)

They of course will know who their mother is, I right now do not. Somewhere in this world she exists and I have not found her yet. But I am looking.

God bless you all.


In the Beginning

The Secret Diary of a Bum was started with 2 e-mails that I wrote to my friend to describe a couple of really cool nights out that I had last summer.

I was playing at "headlining" that is: speaking nothing but the truth, yet trying to make things as interesting sounding as possible.

Roughly at the same time I found from the BBC news website a link to Belle De Jour which I found to be an immeasurably gratifying read - and probably the archetypal blog. From there I found a link to Heroine Girl, which I have probably read 90% of - She is the top of my favourites list (please do not tell her, as I am sure she will become all embarrased and stop coming here. She is also well fit too) and then at some point around then I figured I would try and start my own blog - and I thought I would continue in the same vein that I started with the e-mails - trying to make my life seem as interesting as possible - but never lying or telling untruths.

Funnily enough, the original idea came to me in 1998 when I read a book, "Diary of a nobody" which I found very entertaining and around that time I toyed with the idea of writing a similar style book entitled... "diary of a bum." I did start writing and maybe I have the original documents on disc somewhere but alas, I fear they are lost forever.

Anyhow, I find blogging very theraputic, it lets me sit down and in a way assess my time and where I am going with my life.

I would not mind becoming successful and rich - It is one of my hopes and dreams that I will succeed in my chosen career - of course that does not mean I am shallow and single minded. I have many hopes and aspirations that cross all spectrums of the human experience- but above all else it is my objective to live a life that is extraordinary.

As it says along the side of my profile: This is my life and it is ending one minute at a time. This IS my life, and it IS ending a minute a time. I'll never get those minutes back.

So I choose to live an interesting life.

So I want to see interesting things, I want to know interesting people, I want to do interesting things and above all else I want to feel.

This blog is in some ways my benchmark, my test to see if I am doing anything worthy of writing about. There are thousands of blogs out there ranging from the extraordinary to the crushingly dull. This is my voice and these are my words. Somewhere amid the myriad of sites rests mine. If you read my words then I thank you - I hope you find something of interest.

Please pardon this digression- But in the words of one of my old teachers, "[The Lord of Doom] is sensitive and conscientious, and this manifests itself through arrogancy and attention seeking." My vanity masks my inner doubt and lack of self confidence. All I really want to do is fit in. I would love for people to think that I am cool.

Because I fear that I'll always be that fucking little kid with the shit trainers whose parents were so strict that it seemed to crush his aspirations to escape into the outside world.

That is my dream. I want to be cool.

And now I return to the Diary of a Bum. My words here are not just for me: I want them to be a testimony to what can be acheived through passion and effort. I was not born into wealth and priviledge - Not for a second am I saying that I have had a bad start in life, I have so much that I immeasurably grateful for - I am lucky. But, I want my readers to see the changes I have had to make in myself in order to acheive what I want to acheive.

The path to true success and acheivement, I believe, starts from the inside.

And to prove this: I am going to live my life.

God bless


Sunday, January 09, 2005


I am shocked by how fucking stupid and ignorant people can be.

There is a small South London based hip-hop group and I think that they are sitting on a gold mine of a tune. - I really do, and obviously if I can negotiate my way into directing their video that that is very good for me. Anyway I had a meeting with my producer yesterday and we came up with some solid and good ideas for a few things- among these was a plan how this group can get a record in the shops - and how I can do a video for them.

Today I called them up to talk about things and arrange a meeting... and the guy's attitute was so fixed in the fucking ghetto that I could not believe my ears.

If this cunt only knew what I was offering to him. Really - this is no idle boast or brag or anything but simply put: The link I am offering his mean that he gets what he wants... which is: His song, released through a record company. (not some mickey mouse back alley distribution either. Don't get me wrong, this is not MY link, but my producer's.)

But he tried to fake me out about the links he has and wankety wank blah blah - making out that they had everything in place - which he obviously does not.

His mum or his girlfriend might be convinced by his stupid story but I am not. Not for a second, because I can see through his fake-ass veneer.

"we got a link at the BBC."

So-fucking-what, you fucking moron? The BBC does not make music videos. That girl whose tits you want to suck on might thing your link is worthwhile enough to convince her to take her bra off but I do not.

Fucking muppet.

Anyway, it is gonna take effort for me to be able to turn him around. I need to convince him that we can do what we are saying, but I suppose this is life in the music industry. A lot of clueless wankers talking shit.

What a fucking cunt - he even suggested that what I was offering was "charity".

Trust me, poverty is a state of mind. And this mother fucker was broke as shit.

Twilight Rising

Greetings and Regards.... Lord of Doom has a secret to share.

For 3 months I was an obsessive Everquest player - Much Love I have to give to Twilight Rising, the BEST Guild on the BEST server - Bristlebane.

I used to play from work for up to eight hours a day. (I got fucking PAID to play Everquest)
My name was Tanatus (a level 30 Paladin)

Best regards and kisses to:

and my guild leader... Anglio.

(and any others I forget - there were so many.)

I will always remember the fun we used to have. Them were the days I say.


And then the whole party was destroyed. Oh how I loved it when I was strong enough to hunt him solo. Pay back was sweet.

I have so many memories of that game... and all of them because of the people I played with. I miss you guys.


Saturday, January 08, 2005


If your IP is: 68.145.234. Then you were visitor number 666 to my blog.

Show yourself, vile creature.

Friday, January 07, 2005

Good to be Alive

The way I see it - there are 3 basic types of people in life.

a) Players - These guys recognise that they are the headline act in their own lives. These guys are on the pitch/scene/page and they are playing it to the fullest ability. They care not if they fuck up. They roll the die, they make their moves, they do what they have to do. Other People will always look to them and offer criticism in some form - But the Players recognises none of this, as it simply jealously.

b) Bit parts. These guys recognise the game, but lack the skills/willpower/insight to realise that they can themelves actually take the leading role. A bit of effort that these guys can be stars.

c) Spectators. They are content (but probably not happy) to fill their lives with risk free activities that are usually passive and involve watching others. They freely offer their own bland criticism which somehow they feel justifies their existence.

Which are you?

Truly, I have never felt more content and more happy with who I am and what I am doing. I am not saying that I have everything and am doing everything I want to be doing. But more than any time in my life I am simply "doing".

I am 26, and I feel that for the first time in my life I am beginning to wake up. Where I have been the first part of my life, I do not know. But today I took my customary walk through the park. I turned off my iPod and just quietly walked. And it came clear to me, that even now, I am probably running at 20% of my potential - but still it feels fantastic - and I want to hop, skip and jump my way into the rest! And then I get scared - scared that I won;t have enough time to do what I have to do! The impatience is coming!

If I could try and condense this all into one sentence that I could offer as advice to you, my reader it would be this:

Just Do It.

If you have faith in God, or even if you don't, just trust in Him and then - just do it. You'll be amazed at what you can do when you let go.

God bless.


Thursday, January 06, 2005

Music Videos

I can barely contain my excitement. It is very easy to get carried away about new projects and forget that they actually involve work and effort - but as long as I do what need to do then I will have 2 very cool projects to get excited about.

The 2 new tunes have just been given to me and I am really very happy. Ininitally I was vexed about the delay which meant we had to postpone the shoot from last year now it seems that everything is happening exactly when it is supposed to happen. This is especially true when I consider that the first tune has now been remixed and is now much better.

So many possibilities exist - choices I have to make - each leading to countless different outcomes.

For example:- The dancer girls that I need - do I go back to the lapdancing club and try to pursuade that oh-so-sexy-dancer to come and be in my music video? I would love to be friends with a lap dancer - that would be an excellent way of doing that. Be professional?! Oh of course, I must yes... Of course.

Anyway, my point it this - I am so excited that I can barely contain myself, I want to skip right to the end - but that would of course cut out the hard work - which if course is the important part.

I must take a deep breath and trust in my own ability to do what I have to do.

The moment I am excited about will come - Past experience tells me this. I just need to do the work and wait patiently.

Much Love to you all,



PS. I was woken up by a phone call today - a small time producer who wants to meet up to discuss the possibility of shooting a video for them. It could be good - who knows. But I have the meeting tomorrow at 3:00pm.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Do as I say




5th January 2005
Ah My Children - you are doing well - as of this morning the gap was huge and she was in 4th place.

Now she is in 2nd Place... and the gap is closing... Keep it up!

Saturday, January 01, 2005

New Year - Old News - New Objectives

There are a lot of things I want to write. Most of them related to the end of the year and the perceived meaning that this event has.

If 2004 was good for you, or if it was bad - it makes no difference - it is over. You can build upon the successes of the past or forget about your failures and move on, either way it is your future that is ahead of you and not your past.

2004 was a good year for me - Right now I am happy, probably more happy than I have ever been. Happy because of the events and the changes. This last year has been eventful, but no way near as eventful as I plan 2005 to be. Believe it or not - the greatest change has been the strengthening of my faith in God, I defer to the greater power that exists all around.

Anyway, I read in a book that the best way to predict the future is to invent it.

So I predict: movement, energy and colour.

(Travelling, making films, and girls)

So this year will be an exercise in bringing into existence that which I choose to bring into existence. Last year I started this and it is a good way to live - just now I become more daring.

Right now I have to start working on this music video that I am shooting this month. It sounds frightening and exciting to say that. In fact it is frightening and exciting to say that. But it is true, and I must repeat it one more time. I am shooting a music video this month. A small, low budget affair, but a music video nonetheless.

The good news is that on New Years Eve I heard the remix of the song they want to shoot the video for - and it is much better than the original.
(This is a very good thing.)

I also have a plan to go to New York in about 3 months - I will sleep on my cousin's floor - before then I will also take a little trip to Latvia and later on this year I may indeed make my first venture into Russia... I got plans baby, and I am gonna have fun.

Oh yeah, I met this really quite nice girl on NYE too, maybe she'll give me a call or send me a text message... I can hope.