Wednesday, January 12, 2005

In the Beginning

The Secret Diary of a Bum was started with 2 e-mails that I wrote to my friend to describe a couple of really cool nights out that I had last summer.

I was playing at "headlining" that is: speaking nothing but the truth, yet trying to make things as interesting sounding as possible.

Roughly at the same time I found from the BBC news website a link to Belle De Jour which I found to be an immeasurably gratifying read - and probably the archetypal blog. From there I found a link to Heroine Girl, which I have probably read 90% of - She is the top of my favourites list (please do not tell her, as I am sure she will become all embarrased and stop coming here. She is also well fit too) and then at some point around then I figured I would try and start my own blog - and I thought I would continue in the same vein that I started with the e-mails - trying to make my life seem as interesting as possible - but never lying or telling untruths.

Funnily enough, the original idea came to me in 1998 when I read a book, "Diary of a nobody" which I found very entertaining and around that time I toyed with the idea of writing a similar style book entitled... "diary of a bum." I did start writing and maybe I have the original documents on disc somewhere but alas, I fear they are lost forever.

Anyhow, I find blogging very theraputic, it lets me sit down and in a way assess my time and where I am going with my life.

I would not mind becoming successful and rich - It is one of my hopes and dreams that I will succeed in my chosen career - of course that does not mean I am shallow and single minded. I have many hopes and aspirations that cross all spectrums of the human experience- but above all else it is my objective to live a life that is extraordinary.

As it says along the side of my profile: This is my life and it is ending one minute at a time. This IS my life, and it IS ending a minute a time. I'll never get those minutes back.

So I choose to live an interesting life.

So I want to see interesting things, I want to know interesting people, I want to do interesting things and above all else I want to feel.

This blog is in some ways my benchmark, my test to see if I am doing anything worthy of writing about. There are thousands of blogs out there ranging from the extraordinary to the crushingly dull. This is my voice and these are my words. Somewhere amid the myriad of sites rests mine. If you read my words then I thank you - I hope you find something of interest.

Please pardon this digression- But in the words of one of my old teachers, "[The Lord of Doom] is sensitive and conscientious, and this manifests itself through arrogancy and attention seeking." My vanity masks my inner doubt and lack of self confidence. All I really want to do is fit in. I would love for people to think that I am cool.

Because I fear that I'll always be that fucking little kid with the shit trainers whose parents were so strict that it seemed to crush his aspirations to escape into the outside world.

That is my dream. I want to be cool.

And now I return to the Diary of a Bum. My words here are not just for me: I want them to be a testimony to what can be acheived through passion and effort. I was not born into wealth and priviledge - Not for a second am I saying that I have had a bad start in life, I have so much that I immeasurably grateful for - I am lucky. But, I want my readers to see the changes I have had to make in myself in order to acheive what I want to acheive.

The path to true success and acheivement, I believe, starts from the inside.

And to prove this: I am going to live my life.

God bless



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