Thursday, March 31, 2005

Bum by name, Bum by nature

Despite my best efforts... washing, scrubbing and deodorising - for the last week or so I have been smelling like a filthy tramp on the streets.

This has been disturbing me, since this is no way for any self respecting man to be. Fuck what anybody says about pheromones, any girls I have been getting close to have only been smelling tramp-o-mones.


I have found the cause.

Cheap deodorant.

When I was in Egypt I purchased some deodarant and never used it. I found the can the other day and smelled it and it smelled quite nice. So I have been using it since.

BUT - Egypt is a country not reknown for lovely smelly men.

And oddly enough, I NEVER even used deodorant out there in Egypt but still I never smelled even though I was sweating like a mother fucking pig. So fucked if I know how I smelled so fresh and clean.

Anyway, in a country where I produced no smell, a cheap deodorant would be oddly effective.

But in a country where I barely sweat at all, when I use this cheap nasty deodorant I smell to high heaven. Which has been causing me some stress and bother.

So I have put the can into the dustbin and tomorrow I must buy some good stuff.

Saturday, March 26, 2005

The Universal Answer

It is my observation that most things can be solved with one of three things.

a) Time

b) Money

c) Charm.

My edit it taking so song because it is difficult for me to find time. I work a 48 hour week and between sleeping and other stuff there is not that much time left to sit down and edit a music video.

I consider myself to be lacking A) TIME. One solution would be for me to take time off work, but that is a little extreme, and would essentially be counter prouductive. I don't especially care for my work, but money is a facilitator and my wages facilitate my overall master plan.

Anyway, I have come up with a plan. I pay 20% of my daily rate to my co-worker so that they can cover my shift whilst I sit in the side room and edit on my laptop. I don't have to do this every day, but I am buying a 10 hour time window in my own private office with no interuptions.

I spoke to my co-worker and he agreed. So I will do this once a week until I am finished.

But he declined the money, saying that it was rude of me to offer. He is covering right now as I sit in the next room.

(I must confess that I have just spent two hours watching a couple of episodes ofseries 2 of Nip/Tuck BUT, I have been doing some very good work otherwise - but my brain was getting a little frazzled and I wanted a break.)

I think editing works best in 4 hour time windows. Otherwise you begin to lose sight of the project.I still have three hours until my shift is over so I will now return to my editing.)

Nighty night


Thursday, March 24, 2005

Soldiering on.

A couple of days ago I had a meeting with a small South London music producer. I went to his recording studio and kicked about there smoking cheap cigars (they were all smoking weed - I don't touch that stuff any more.) and we listened to some tracks and talked through some ideas. This is the first meeting I have had since I shot that first music video a few weeks ago. Now that I have some concrete work done, my plan is to make it 100% completed before I go tauting myself as a director.

(I have been so fucking busy doing this shit fuck edit that it has been driving me nuts. I really need to double my efforts in order to get it completed.)

In recent months I have been meeting a few people here and there and my confidence has developed as I learn to essentially sell and market myself as a Promos/Commercials Director. I quite enjoy it, which is good because I promised myself that I MUST ENJOY EVERYTHING I DO RELATED TO DIRECTING because it is what I want to do with my life and if I don't enjoy it - I might as well quit. And there are times where it does get boring/annoying/stressful. But I suppose that is what I need to deal with.

Anyway, I think this could lead on to some good stuff. So I'll let you guys know.


Monday, March 21, 2005

What lies beneath.

Today, in the pub as I waited for my dad to walk in I got chatting with a man. A mere acquaintance of my father, but an acquaintance nonetheless.

He seemed easy going and relaxed, quite a pleasant a good natured man. He was in his fifties and he had said how he had been a teacher before. As we were talking about schools and so forth, the barmaid realised that she recognised me from school. She was 21, some five years younger than myself, but she remembered me because I had been in the sixth form. (for those of you not from UK, that is where you do your a-levels from the ages of 16-18)

Anyway, this is irrelevant, as what is important is that the man piped up that his step son had also gone to my school.

"How old is he?" I asked.


"Oh, that would mean he was in my year. What is his name?"

And then he told me. For a second I could not remember but then I did. And then I realised that I knew this man before me. But we had never met or never spoken.

But I knew him by his reputation. For this man was the 'step father'.

"Yeah, *** ****** is a quiet lad" he added. There was no sense of pride or emotion.

I lied and said that I did not know him. But I did. And of course his step son was a quiet lad, this man used to curse and beat him so much. I remember escorting this kid to the Head of Years office to that they could call the police because the step dad used to beat him up. That would have an effect on anybody.

But I cannot judge this man, for it is not my place. But in the pub where men are men and must act like men there is little truth. I felt a mild twang of guilt when I realised I had been laughing and joking with this man. I cannot profess to have been good friends with this kid from school. But whilst most people dismissed him as odd I know I was always civil with him. Not as kind and decent as I could have been. And in retrospect as much as I should have been.

But whilst I will not sit in judgement of this man, I do feel that knowing how distraught and upset he used to make his step-son that I could not have anything more to do with him.

It is funny. Once there was a time when this man struck fear and terror into the heart of someone smaller and weaker. But now he is is old and weak. I am the man now, and so too is this man's step son. It is our world.

Looking at this man I feel pity. Pity that he is nothing. Sins may be forgiven, but they are not forgotten.

On a long enough timeline we all have to answer.

Midnight in the Garden

Last night I left her house at 4:30am and I walked along the nearly deserted streets of South London for a couple of miles until I saw my friend driving along the road. I flagged him down and got a lift the rest of the way home.

I like walking at night. I smoked a cheap cigar and just paced one foot after the other. On my iPod was the soundtrack to the movie Gladiator. I like listening to move soundtracks as there are no lyrics to interfere with my thoughts, but the music is emotive, and in this case epic and triumphant.

I thought to myself of the tasks I have ahead of me. I clarified some and filed away a few others.

I would consider myself to me a very sociable person, yet I enjoy time along to myself to just think. The cold night air is crisp and sharp. And of course, at night, a mans senses are heightened - there is a natural affinity with the darkness. The hunter gathered instincts kick in.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

A Beautiful Thing

The World is a Beautiful place. It is filled with Beautiful people.

The irony is that I am devoted to developing myself and extending my own circle of influence. And yet as I do so, I recognise how utterly powerless I really am. As my circle of influence increases, so does it also decrease.

In this world are forces so beyond my comprehension that I cannot begin to fathom them. But I am utterly humbed in their wake. And I defer totally to the power of our creator.

I might not be making sense so I shall go and lie down.

Be cool.


Wednesday, March 16, 2005

The Wedding March


As chief usher the LORD OF DOOM stood at the back of the church clad in traditional morning dress. His shoes were buffed and shined and he was groomed and scrubbed beyond his normally impecable standards.

The Organist begun to play, and THE BRIDE began to walk along the aisle towards the waiting GROOM. Only the BEST MAN and the usher had seen his hands trembling.

The LORD OF DOOM stood proudly looking at them. He had known the GROOM since the two of them were 3, and now 23 years later, standing and watching his oldest friend about to take his wedding vows the LORD OF DOOM felt a rush of emotion. Joy and happiness. The LORD OF DOOM would not cry, but he was intrigues to see how far this rush of emotion would take him.

Truly this day was a beautiful day. My oldest friend was married today. And truly I wish them nothing but the best. Through thick and thin I pray that they may each day, learn to love one another more.

Never before have I been so close to a couple getting married - this is the first one of my close friends to be married and it was an honour and a privilidge to be involved. As I posted before this event signifies a change as this man is the first among us to become married... and it signifies the evolution and growth from boyhood into manhood.

Amusingly enough on the wedding day there would be quite a few things that I could nit pick at and together they could be compiled to make it what would 'seem' to be the wedding from Hell. But essentially none of them make any real difference. The purpose of the day was the celebrate a marriage between two peeople and all the assembled guests and congregation were friends and family who would have no business grumbling over such trivial things.

Marriage should be a beautiful thing, and this weekend I can truly say that I had a splendid time. I had a bridesmaid fall in love with me but I had to break hear heart... she was a lovely girl, but alas she was only 12.

Blessings and good wishes to you all


Thursday, March 10, 2005

The Beginning of the End

My oldest friend (some 21 years) is getting married this Saturday. We are travelling up North to attend and in many ways it is a beautiful thing. I respect marriage and I admire those that enter into it. I am also always on the look out for my own future wife.

Yet as beautiful as this is, quietly it signals the end of a time in all of our lives.

For we are no longer boys, we are becoming men, In time we shall be fathers, uncles, grandfathers and our youth will be a distant memory. Of course on the inside I will always feel 19, but those around me, my children even will look at me and see a fat old bald man.

But this is life, and we cannot resist, no matter how hard we try.

I must just redouble my efforts to do what it is I have to do before it is too late.

Love and kisses,



Wednesday, March 09, 2005

The Long Slog.

My apologies if my postings have been thin on the ground recently.

I am not sure why... maybe this girl I am chasing is distracting me. Maybe because this edit I am doing is distracting me.

Either way, there are times when you need to back up the "front" that you give out... and there are times in your life when you need to disappear a little bit to the underground.

My priority is to get my showreel complete... until then there is precious little point in me going out and trying to get new contacts and stuff without the juice to back it up. So I need to slog it out.

This edit is tough.

Tougher yet because last night - just like last week - on my days off instead of sitting indoors and hunching over my laptop splicing beats and cutting ryhthms I was out chasing after a pretty young girl.

So I am at work now with my laptop and I will have to try and get sone editing done tonight. If I do a good 3 hours then I will be happy.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Good Saturday

In the morning I went to a major department store to pick up my outfit for his wedding next weekend. There is something innate in me that simply loves getting dressed up. Perhaps is satisfies my delusions of granduer.

This was good.

Anyway I got home and then went to bed at 11:24am.

at 4:00pm I woke up and I lay in bed for a while unable to move and barely able to think. I received a text message from my sister which said, "don't forget flowers for mothers day"

I had to draw upon my primal instincts and summon up all my strength and effort to pull myself from my slumber. I got to the shops and got the flowers.

Success- this pleased me.

Then I had Chicken Curry for breakfast.

This pleased me also.

Then in the evening I was supposed to go to an all night rave - but since I start work at 7:00am on Sunday I do not think this to be a great idea. Instead, however, I went and saw a play - about a British colony of prisoners and soldiers in Australia.

It was rather good.

Afterwards we went to the local bar and I got chatting with both the lead man, and the lead woman.

This was good too.

On the way home I saw a fight on the street. A man got punched and he stumbled and fell out onto the road into the path on an oncoming bus. The bus had to totally swerve to avoid running over this guys head.... had it been a second later or had their been any traffic in the opposite direction then things would have been very different. A squashed dude or a head on collision.

This incident troubled me.

Then I came home - but on the bus home bumped into an old friend and we ended up hanging out.

This was good.

Then in bed I ended up on the phone to a girl for about an hour.

This is always good.

Friday, March 04, 2005

And the Beat Goes on

I have been doing this edit for fucking AGES.

But slowly progress is being made.

I need to get a rough cut to the Artist soon so that they can remix the tune appropriately.


On another note, for those of you that have been paying attention - recently I got upset with with a hip hop group who wanted a video done

The word on the street is that they are a fresh new talent and they are indeed destined for great things... they just had a good write up in a music magazine.

I truly wish them the very best but for now I am still annoyed with just how stupid they were. The deal I was going to set up would have made everybody happy.

But "Ce La Vie" as the French say.

Of course, they also can say, "putain merde encule."

Which roughly translates as, "Fuck shit up your arse."


xx <--- For the girls

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

I am the devil

Why am I in such a bad mood?

Really, I think it is simply the subtle build up of various small factors - none of which on their own amount to anything more than minor annoyances. But still, I am in a really bad mood. I had two entire days to myself and I was going to do some serious work on editing this music video but instead I dossed about spending most of my time having lunch or chasing around after a 20 year old music student.

(Although I would argue that this is indeed a very valid use of my time)

Last week I met a compositor who was going to help finish off the animation for the test commercial I shot (EIGHT MONTHS AGO) and he agreed to do the project and then I was happy.

The next day he phones up to cancel.


Compositors do not grow on trees.

For those of you that do not know I shall explain what a compositor does:
We have animation over a live action background... the animator does all the animation, but a COMPOSITOR, composites, IE superimposes the image over the background. But they have to make sure the "keying" is correct, they have to fix any Transparencies as well as often having to make motion paths relative to the movement of the camera.

Basically they superimpose the image and make sure it moves the right way and does not look shit.

And a good one is hard to find.

Anyway, since I was the one who arranged the meeting with him last week I decided to have it in that bar where my Latvian friend worked. Since I am the 'boss' I might as well make things as fun for myself as possible. After the meeting I strolled over and had a short chat with her. Her incompetant manager came over and was fussing around over some nonsense and I managed to cuss him in Russian so that she understoon, but he did not.

And at that moment I was overcome with a mild feeling of accomplishment. I have a long way to go, but I am slowly building up my knowledge of this crazy language.

Anyway, my list of tasks is long and boring and whilst I am at work now, there are a few things I can be getting on with. And at least I am being paid by someone else to be doing this.