Waiting

Wow. The news about funding that I was supposed to hear on Monday has been delayed. Delayed until today. I was supposed to hear 12 hours ago.

Still no news.

A couple of days, I sat down and said my prayers -- I say them every day, but this time I said them with even more gusto and sincerity. It's not the obvious thing to expect from young people in the media/film industry to do. But I firmly believe in God and believe that I've been created for a purpose -- I can't be sure, but I feel this is my calling on earth.

The trick is to detach away myself from that *I* want, and open my heart to what God wants. Which may or may not be the same.

I don't tell most people about my prayers and faith and how I feel it is PARAMOUNT in my journey towards successfully achieving this as it's really not something that most people can relate to.

Nonetheless, in the last recent months, my internal changes have been enormous. And I am trying to detach myself from my ego and vanity, and focus on the simple reality that I want to make movies because it's been a childhood passion of mine that I've carried for 17 years, though making short movies, to film school, to striving to be a commercials and music videos director.

I even go as far as to say that I never sat down and chose to want to make movies. And I never chose to be any good at it. All the skills I feel I have that help me do this, I was born with -- I never picked them from a list. 

But here I am, with this burden of desire and ambition weighing down on me, waiting for news that will let me know that the most significant step I will ever take in this journey is about to be taken.

Or not.

Whatever happens, one day I will be dead and none of this 'career' nonsense will matter.