Thursday, February 08, 2007


I'm not sure how to explain it, but there are tremendous transformations in my life which I feel the need to document. But I don't know where, and I don't know for whom.

When I say tremendous, I don't think I can fully express in text alone, the level at which these transformations are operating. This blog, this diary, does not come close to being a forum where I can express them. My readers, the few that remain, will not expect them from me. But that does not stop them from happening, and it does not stop me from wanted to express it.

In human terms our bodies totally replenish on a cellular level every 7 years. Therefore I am not the same person I was when I was twenty-one. But I'm not even the same person I thought I would be in seven years time, when I was twenty-one.

Not even close.

I never saw my life turning out this way, and I never would have imagined I would be this way. But when I hear myself speak, when I see the people I interact with, when I catch sight of myself with them, I cannot believe it.

I don't recognise myself.

But this is not a bad thing. It's profound. It's shocking. It's frightening, but it is not bad. Far from it. I've always been this man, since I was a child, except I never knew the words to express it. The concept was alien to me. But despite my failure to articulate, it never prevented my ability to experience it.

As to what I am talking about. Well, those of you who know me personally are aware of what I refer. But perhaps not aware of how powerful an experience it is for me.

It's not a new thing, it is something I began five years ago - only now it is manifesting itself in ways I never thought imaginable.

And I want to write it all down for others to see.

Except I don't know who those others should be.


Monday, February 05, 2007


I really need to understand what this says:

Joyellb23, Joyellb13 do not work.

so can anybody see what I am missing, or that beautiful girl I met oh Friday to bo considered a lying peice of shit?
She was French and perhaps they write things differently to us.

Please: suggestion on a postcard:


ps. any no, I didn;t give her my contact details, now I see that perhaps I should have done.