Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Fucking Showreel - part II

I have ONE project to finish and then my updated Directing Reel will be complete. The computer animation on this last project has been delayed and delayed and delayed.


After about three weeks of silence - the computer visual effects man has FINALLY been in touch - he has been out of the country shooting a documentary but now he is back - The problem is that he is tight for money and needs some financial incentive to finish my Commercial as quickly as possible. Otherwise he needs to concentrate on paid work.

(This is a freebie project he is working for nothing. So if I want it finished quickly then I pay up.)

So the choice for me to make was quite simple -

I offered him a number and he said yes.

Some things are more valuable than money - and getting my showreel finished is a LEVEL 1 priority. If I am to demonstrate my passion and talent - I need to actually put this in to action - and that is by making the type of sacrifices I have been making - and this is just another one of them.

The small problem is that because of the delays I have kind of lost my way with my showreel and lost a lot of focus and momentum.

Once it is finished I will be at a step in my career and life that I have never been before. And I look forwards to it.

I just need to refocus myself and concentrate on the important things I need to do.

Success is in no way automatically guaranteed - BUT - I will officially be able to offer my services as a Commercials and Music Videos Director. And FROM that point I need to re-learn and re-build my life until I do achieve the success I am working for.

Peace and Love


Monday, September 26, 2005

Fucking Showreel

The compositor who is finishing off my final project seems to have vanished off the face of the earth.

That leaves me fucked.

So what the fuck am I supposed to do?

He won't respond to e-mails... and he won't answer the phone.

I am about 5 weeks past my deadline - EVERYTHING hangs on me finishing off my showreel.

This is an unpaid position so I cannot use financial penalty as a carrot for this donkey.

I am considering finding another compositor to finish this job off but that will take weeks for them to redo the work.

But then again, if this guy is not doing any work for me... then I am not sure what the fuck I am gonna do.

peace and love



PS. 9 days and no cigarettes.

Saturday, September 24, 2005


Please forgive me for the blatant endorsment here - it is something I made a promise to myself to always avoid - since taste is such an intangible and people often get upset and bored when you tell them what to think.

Anyhow, I just watched EPISODE 1 of SERIES TWO of LOST.

And it is so diabolically awesome that I am shocked - I tell everybody I meet how awesome it is, so I am gonna tell you.

I watched it with all the awe and wonder of an 8 year old gazing up into the sky and seeing a fireworks display for the first time.

Talk is cheap and words are cheaper. So I shall repeat that statement.

I watched it with all the awe and wonder of an 8 year old gazing up into the sky and seeing a fireworks display for the first time.

If you have not seen LOST.

Then you are a cunt.

Peace and Love.



ps. For those of you that are counting, six and a half days and no cigarettes!

pps. Go watch LOST now.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Dopamine Suppressant

Life is moving along at a fair whack, a lot of my stuff seems to be going in the right direction and I am happy and challenged and invigorated.

There is, however, a very small yet very important personal target for me to acheive. So once again, I find myself fatigued with the rigmarols of giving up cigarettes. I stopped on Sunday and I have not smoked for 65 hours.

That is almost 3 days.

Those of you that know, will understand that I have become the devil.

And will be for a couple more days.

I must be strong.

It helps when I understand that on a biological level nicotine acts as a trigger to release dopamine, which regulates mood.
In the long run, the dopamine release mechanisim become dependent and eventually supressed by the intake on nicotine.

So, I need for my dopamine neurotransmitters to kick start and stop me being such a fucking arsehole.

Because that is what I have become.


But no love.


Saturday, September 17, 2005

New Beginning

Today at 3:30 I had a meeting with a writer.

Over an hour later we went our seperate ways - It went well, I am really excited since the meeting. We both seem to be on the same wavelength with reference to the genres, styles ideas and expectations we both have for any project.

This writer is also an actor. So I offered him the role for the villian in my upcoming short - so I'll be sending him a copy of the script - if he likes it then all should be magic.

Apologies for the repetition, but I am really excited since this meeting.... This could really be the beginning of something special. I hope he does not go away and change his mind about it, but I seemed to sense that we are both in the right place and both ready for this.

I think I scared off the first few writers I have been meeting recently, but this guy - Whatever it was that I said a he seemed to be impressed with my attitude, and he was totally in tune with my notion of just going out and shooting this film on whatever means available.

And he can get me into the press screening of George A. Romero's Land of the Dead this coming Monday which is totally cool.

So I'll be seeing him on Monday - I have already begun to jot down some ideas for this ultra low budget movie which we'll mull over on Monday.

I am excited.

Really excited.

Apologies if this post is rambling.

It is 5:45 am and it's been a long day.


Friday, September 16, 2005


As some of you are undoubtably aware I am preparing to shoot a short 12 minute film in the next few weeks. I had ideally wanted to shoot in September but it seems we are gonna be shooting in October.

Anyway, since the casting session last week I have been agonising over who to cast in the lead role.

Today I had a proper look at the casting tape and I make two conclusions:

1. Bad actors worsen the problems with bad dialogue in a script. Seriously, the dialogue seemed AWFUL when watching some of the people read it back.

2. Good actors make the dialogue their own. (and I don;t mean my re-writing it)

All I am looking for is somebody who can read the lines and say them in a way that is believably and convincing. It does not sound like a lot to ask but it is.

I am afraid to cast somebody that will leave me struggling to direct a good performance. Anyway, I shortlisted the 2 main roles to 4 girls. And I've been umming and erring since.

I watched the final girl today and I saw her really make the dialogue her own. For moments in the performance I really believed her.

There was in front of me the beginning of a solid performance. And enough for me to have faith that when it comes down to it on the shoot days we'll be able to come up with some magic,

Wednesday, September 14, 2005


If you can be fucking bothered then please revisit this post:


Anyways, there were two things that occured that night... But my sudden epiphany was that I need to make a feature film.

Aside from my other targets and the things I need to do - in that sudden moment clearer than anything was the absolute objective for me to make a full length feature film.

It does not make any fucking difference if I just shoot the fucker off the cuff for £10,000 or not. What matters is that I make a feature film.

I need:

1. A script. (90 pages - genre piece, preferrably a sci-fi or horror)

2. Actors. (preferrably ones who can act)

3. Money. (£10,000 to £50,000 of real money - and maybe a further £40,000 to £200,000 of deferred money. But I will shoot this cunt for £10,000 if I have to)

4. A production team (producer, and camera crew etc)

5. Shooting Kit. (camera, lights - probably shooting on a HD kit)

6. Post production facilities (worst case scenario I will off-line on my Apple Power book)

7. A distributor. (somebody to actually SELL the mother fucking cunt of a film once it is done)

8. Luck.

9. Personality.

10. Utter refusal to accept defeat.

Since that choice I have started the ball rolling and I am partway through the above list of targets. But not much.

Anyway, I am shooting a short film soon and I need to use this short film as the final test and example of my abilities before I can raise the cash money to shoot this big project.

It will be a commitment of 14 months to make the above project.

4 months to write.

3 months pre production

1 month (3 weeks probably) to shoot it.

6 months post-production


This is not an interesting post for you, but rather a statement of intent. The writers I met the other day all turned out to be non-starters, I have a few more meetings set up shortly and hope they might go somewhere. On a personal level I have some script ideas/themes I should write up.

Love and kisses


Friday, September 09, 2005

Bonny Wee Scotland

Right, it is 03:00 and I am off to bed.

My hair is cut and I look presentable once more.

Tomorrow morning I am up at 07:00 to catch a flight for 11:05 from Heathrow up to Scotland. One of my best mates from uni is getting married.

My delectable girlfriend shall be staying behind in London and I shall miss her greatly.

I shall do my utmost to maintain composure, but watching one of my best mates get married might soften my heart and stir emotions - The Lord of Doom might even shed a tear.

Of course, I will try not to.

I have packed my Kurt Geiger brown shoes, my white double cuff Gieves and Hawkes shirt, my tailored 2 button midnight blue suit, and my Mr. Men underpants.

For the journey I am taking my Sony PSP with Lumines and Ridge Racer - my iPod and a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird.

Take care whilst I am gone, my children,

Peace and Love


xxxxx <---- For you all.

Thursday, September 08, 2005


Yesterday, in a film studio in London I held the casting for my upcoming short film.

This is leading me to make a tough decision about who to choose... I need three actors... 2 young women and 1 man.

There were 4 good young women but so far, no decent men for the male role.

I am gonna have to review the audition tape and make a really tough choice for the two girls. Because on their own they were good - but I need to consider how they will work together.

Damn. This is tough.

I shall post more - when I have time.

Right now I need a haircut.


Tuesday, September 06, 2005


Today I had meetings with three writers to discuss our possible collaboration on writing a feature script which I want to shoot as a low budget movie next year.

Let me tell you about my first meeting.

It was almost 1pm, I finished my cigarette and walked into the coffee shop in Soho that we arranged to meet in.

I glanced around and I couldn't see any girls waiting on there own. So I figured I had beaten her to it, I knew she worked nearby so she would be there on her lunchbreak and would probably arrive a few minutes after 1pm.

I sent her a text message to tell her I had arrived and then I ordered myself a coffee.

I had never met this girl before so I was watching out for somebody who was obviously watching out for me.

I saw a girl walk in, look around and go upstairs, she then came down the stairs and glanced around. From her body language it was obvious she was the one.

"Leila?" I asked.

"Yes hello. Hi, how are you."

I introduced myself and then offered her a coffee. She was well presented, probably a bit over dressed - but so was I. She went upstairs, I said I'd follow.

A few minutes later I sat down to join her. From her surname I knew she was foreign so I broke the ice by asking where she was from.


"Prava" (Russian for Really) I said.

And then we spoke briefly in Russian for a few minutes. ( I have another script idea for a film set in the Ukraine and this could be a perfect connection.)

She offered me a cigarette and we sipped our coffee making small talk.

Anyway, she asked me who I worked for and I explained about my connections and the test commercials and the short films. She was enthusiastic and very positive.

I also apologised for not bringing my laptop and she said to me.

"You never said you'd bring your laptop"

"Yeah, I did, I said in the email."

"Your e-mail never said that."

I realised that I must have sent that e-mail to another writer that I was meeting and I left it at that because I didn't want to avoid embarrassment.

Then I mentioned the script we were to be writing together.

She looked at me blankly and said,

"I think I am not the person you're supposed to be meeting. What is the name of the person you are meeting?"

"Leila. what's your name then?"


She has obviously mis-heard me when I first said her name.

Then it hit me. I had just spent 10 minutes of small talk on the WRONG person altogether.

It was funny and we laughed about it, but it was pretty damn embarrasing.

"So, if I am not the person you are supposed to meet, and you are not the person I am supposed to meet. Where are they then?"

Then we looked around, looking for the 'right' people to turn up for real.

My new friend even offered to help me write a script anyway.

Anyway, in the end the right people did turn up - but it was way more fun having a meeting with the wrong person.

Friday, September 02, 2005


10,000 years ago. The most technologically advanced item on the world would have been a rock with a jagged edge.

Literally the cutting edge of technology.

What would my cavemen ancestors do if they damaged this technology?

Easy. They'd go and find a new one.

Cut to 10,000 years into the future and here I am with a little box that gives me the power to talk to anybody on the whole planet who also has a little box in their pocket.

Excellent stuff.

Of course.

Until the mother fucker stops doing what you want it to do.

I am trying to arrange the casting for my short film and my cunt of a mobile phone is on it's last legs. It is a shamefully embarrasing situation that I am forced to endure. I am with the network 'three' which means only certain handsets are compatible with my sim card. And they all cost a small fortune - whilst I am not working I simply cannot justify that kind of money on a phone.

There are several dodgy ways of getting a phone, but honestly I don't want to do anything like that anymore. Odd to admit, but the Lord of Doom is becoming conscientous in his old age.


I cannot be arsed to explain the problems this is causing me and why it is such a nuiscance to fix.

I hate my phone.

But I cannot acheive my objectives without it.

Sad to admit.

I need it.

But I wonder how one of those 10,000 year old rocks would fare in a fight against my Motorala A1000. I reckon the rock would smash the FUCK out of my mobile.

And then be cutting edge technology again. I'd carry that around with me instead. It woud probably be lighter and more useful to have a rock instead of a mobile telephone.