Friday, February 25, 2005

Editing Shm-editing

Directing and then Editing Footage usually gives way to the following turn of events:

a) You shoot the footage. The day ends and you are happy.

b) You then panic/congratulate yourself on what you manged to shoot or did not manage to shoot.

c) In your head you start to wonder how the fuck it will edit together but begin to splice things into some order.

d) Between your imagined ideas of how the sequences would look before you shot them - and then combined with your foggy memory of how the shots looked as you shot them you create a FALSE visual map of the footage. Naturally this looks pretty good and you are very optimistic about how things are gonna look. You are happy and when people ask you you how the shoot went you say, "yeah, it went great."

e) You watch the footage. And it is fucking shit. It is nothing like you remember and somehow the camera failed to quite capture the actors smile or that evil sneer that you were certain would look so awesome. You watch endless takes of shit and you hear the recording of your own voice issuing off screen commands to the on screen cast. Occasionally as you watch you marvel that the voice is speaking exactly what you are thinking as you watch the footage. Then you realise that it is, of course, because that voice is yours, speaking aloud your own thoughts.

f) Depressed you begin to piece together this awful pile of shit. You no longer tell people how great the footage is. You start to wonder about where the next project is gonna come from how you are gonna make sure that project is WAY better than this dog shit.

g) The footage does not edit together and the clips all look shit. You wonder how you could ever have fucked things up so much.

h) And then something changes.

i) You return to the footage and then maybe try a different style of editing or something. Most importantly you accept that the footage is NOT how you remember, rather it IS the footage that you have - and somewhere in side that is your baby.
You piece a few things together and then notice that it starts looking cool. You choose the tastiest shots and then edit them in such a way that the ARTISTRY of the movie making process itself create those moments that you know are there - but they are no longer lost.

j) And then you are happy. You realise that there is a chance that your piece of dogshit disaster may just be salvaged. But it will take time eand effort.

k) You encounter problems - Certain moments within the piece just DO NOT edit together. You go away and you ponder. And then you try something. And it works. But still, occasionally you wonder how lucky it was that you managed to find a way out of this problem. If you didn't figure out how to cut the footage you would have a project that was fucking shit. And then you worry how close you came to having a project that was rubbish.

This edit is easily the longest edit that I have ever done. It is rewarding, and it is a crucial creative process that is exciting. It definately awakens part of the creative brain that definately has a altering affect on your level of consciousness. Anybody who has ever painted a painting, or written anything significant will know exactly that type of buzz I am talking about. Anyway, that buzz is draining too and I am tired now.

Be cool boys and girls


Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Asphixiation + Girls

Somebody found my blog through the following being typed into a search engine:

Asphixiation + Girls.

Go on, I welcome you to try it. And read about what it feels like to be intoxicated by a woman.

N.B I am aware that I have spelled Asphixiation incorrectly on my blog, but that probably helped me get on the first page in Google.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Apple Store Magic

It has been 7 days since the promo shoot. I have decided to edit it myself at home. I have spent a stupid amount of money on a new Apple Mac Laptop G4 PowerBook.

I have also bought a 250 gigabyte hard drive and I still need to buy a DVD writer and a some more RAM.

Contrary to popular belief, the Flagship Apple Store in the middle of Central London is a fucking shit hole.

I went there on Friday and it was totally rammed full of losers all checking their e-mail on the lap tops set up around the store. As a customer with a fat wad of cash to spend it was disturbingly difficult to get even close to a demonstration of a Powerbook.

The Apple Store store is full of fucking tourist scum loser student losers. Somehow they have nothing better to do on a late Friday evening that hang around in what feels like a airport departure lounge.

They smell.

They all have terrible fucking clothes.

No style

No Manners.

Nothing better to do.

There is no kudos to be had from dossing around a glorified factory outlet store.

I spit filth and venom at the Apple Store and I beseech you all to avoid it.

The antithesis of all this apparently Apple.

Friday, February 18, 2005

Does anybody ever read the reviews on Amazon?

Question: Does anybody ever read the reviews on Amazon?

Answer: Yes. I did. At least once.

And what did I learn from this? Well I learned that if I undertook the Pimsleur speak and learn Russian course then I would most certainly manage to learn to speak Russian - albeit a small vocabulary that even though I would be able to pronounce effectively I would not understand much else.

So I knew that I would need to balance this course out. I managed to find a course based on CD-Rom known as Rosetta Stone Russian 1. This teaches a better vocabulary though images and sounds (much in the way we learned to speak our own native tongues). I have not used this that much because it requires a PC and a certain level of concentration. (With my iPod I can listen to it anywhere, anytime)

But still, I would need to learn Grammar and eventually I would need to read Russian so I got a book by Penguin which according to reviews is the best book for learning. Of course I have barely managed to learn to read the cyrillic alphabet which is seriously impeeding my progress but nonetheless it does help in some ways.

My favourite way of learning is speaking the little I know each time I meet a Russian speaker(more often that you would imagine) . I have a mobile telephone (the Nokia 7600) which despite its awful and hideous design has a feature whereby dictated notes can be recorded. So I learn a few phrases and colloquilaisms that I would otherwise now know and I try and record them whenever possible so I can play them back when I have a spare moment.

Furthermore to this, I found a website called MYLANGUAGEEXCHANGE.COM which users can contact other users to help teach languages to each other. I found one Russian speaker and she e-mailed me some good verb info.

Then I found which works like MSN Messeneger but allows me to search for Russian speakers and then have Text and even Voice conversations via the internet! So I have a list of Russian contacts that I can practice with. (Although in reality the connection quality is just about good enough only to have a conversation, to learn any new words that would require hearing them pronounced clearly and this is not viable)

Additionally to this I rented a Russian Movie, "War" and listened to the Russian speech and read the Subtitles. With patience this can be a good way of picking up a few unique phrases, and it also aclimatises me to the pace and tone of regular speech. I must but this DVD when I find it for sale.

Oh yeah - I managed to download a handful of Russian songs which I have whacked onto my iPod and occasionally when I can stomach the "unique" style of Russian music I listen to. Although I do not understand 95% of it, it still makes me familiar in some ways to the words and the sounds.

All in all, Technology and Access to Technology that would not have been possible to have had 10 years ago has facilitated my learning of a Foreign Language no end.

Perhaps there exists a moral here somewhere.

Oh yeah, I suppose the moral is: The Opportunity is there - if you want to Learn a Foreign Language, it has never been easier.

Much Love


Tuesday, February 15, 2005

I am a chameleon

I look in the mirror and I don't quite recognise myself, even though I am in my natural state of being.

I look more like myself, yet now I no longer like it. I look like how I used to be. Not how I feel I am.

You see, I have cut off my bleached blonde hair highlights. No longer do I look like a trendy-media-darling or new skool terrorist from any of the die hard movies. I simply look ordinary.

I have a wedding to go to in one months time. I am an usher, and I think I must re-do my highlights for the sake of the photographs. (but I won't go totally blonde this time) The wedding is that of my oldest friend and it is testimony to the power of the internet - He met his wife-to-be on an internet dating website - which I suppose is not such an out of the ordinary thing these days.

Nonetheless, these last couple of days have been fairly anti-climactic. Doing nothing is not fun when you have nothing you should be doing instead. In a little while I am off to go and digitise the footage from the promo I just shot.

(Promo is the used term for music video)

I will have a go at editing this promo myself at home, but I don't think my laptop is quite up to it - (768 Ram, 2 gig P4) not shit by any means, but just not up to a full on edit.

Anyway, tomorrow I am back to work on my night job. Which is good because I need to fund my playboy lifestyle somehow. But also immeasurable boring. I will resume my Russian Lessons and go to the gym every day that I work. So at least I am developing something.

This Saturday there is a big event in a nightclub in Croyden somewhere which I think I'll go along to. It should be cool, and I haven't been out to a club since New Years Eve.

Anyway, I am quite exciting about seeing the footage tonight, but also a little apprehensive because it won't be quite how I remember it.

But that is fine.


I go now.

x <--- this is for my newest reader. (A girl of course)

Sunday, February 13, 2005

And the Winner is...

So much for my lie in.

After 3 hours sleep I am awake.

Wide Awake.

This happens every time after a shoot. I get so wired and high from the excitement that it takes a while to come down afterwards. And my body gets used to the lack of sleep that I can rarely sleep well.

Anyway, in my minds eye I can flick back and I see the footage that we shot and it looks good.

Really fucking good.

Making movies (my generic term for motion video/film) it like paint by numbers. You have a script and a shotlist and then you have to add each colour as you go. And as you add each colour it begins to paint a clearer picture of the end product.

Yesterday afternoon I sat on my bed and gazed out of the window at the clouds. Within minutes the sky darkened and it began to rain, and then suddenly the sun broke through and blue sky was everywhere.

I was very calm, and I could sense the blank canvas we had. I knew that in 16 hours or so, the canvas would be filled.

Everything was in place. All the kit was packed and ready to move. The actresses was crew all knew where to go to. The props were ready and the locations were set.

Most crucial and important of all I knew the script and the shotlist.

So even though the canvas was blank it had pencilled in a diagram and some numbers. Telling me where to paint and what to do. All I had to do was handle my shit and fix my business.

CUT TO 16 hours later.

And now the shoot is in the can - we got everything we needed and I am really happy with the way it went. It was fucking magic.

I shall leave you with a Darling Maggot style memory from the shoot:

It is about 3:46am and I am squashed against the wall huddled in the corner pointing a spotlight at the back of the two dancers we have.

We have been shooting for about 12 hours but the crew is still good and the dancers are still warmed up.

I am sitting there giving directions to the dancers but carefully keeping a spotlight on the back of them.

There are three things I must point out that make this moment so excellent:

1. They are dressed like sluts, with fishnet stockings and quite whorish clothes (In a tasteful way of course - I must stress my artistic class)

2. I remember a text message that my friend send my about 2 hours ago telling me how he just got a free lap-dance in the club he went to.

3. I am doing my best NOT to stare at their legs and up their very short skirts since I am on the floor virtually looking up at them less than 2 feet away - I am a professional (apparently) and I am supposed to be doing something called 'directing' NOT perving.


It is now 08:17 am on Sunday morning. I just got in, I am so fucking tired that it is unbelievable.

I type this on my lap top and my best efforts are keeping my finger on the right keys and I am making an unbelelievable number of mistakes.

I am going to bed.

I am not setting an alarm and my phone is turned off.

I shall wake up when I wake up.

Much Love,



Saturday, February 12, 2005

Shoot Day

Today is the shoot day. It is a night shoot and we start shooting at 5:00pm.

It is now 9:00am, I had a poor night's sleep.

Last night I dreamt that I was in a distant, faraway land and I met again, a beautiful Russian girl that I once knew. Of all the things that I could have dreamt of this strikes me as odd - and I cannot place it's significance at the moment. In my dream we spent ages talking and even now my memory is fading and I struggle to remember what we spoke of.

Anyway, I go back to bed now.


Friday, February 11, 2005

Last Orders

SHOOT DAY IS TOMORROW - in 15 hours we will be starting filming.

I now lie in bed, unable to sleep. It is okay, it is only 1am and I do not need to wake up until 11am or even 12 noon. (I do however have to wake up at 8am for 2 minutes to change the final camera battery that is on charge)

In my mind I keep going through the equipment we have and I am blocking together how we will shoot stuff. After a mad day of scrambling to get insurance quotes and hire quotes and credit notes and invoices and equipement invoices and blah de blah I have everything I need.

Every shoot has something about it that will distinguish it and provide unique challenges and problems. Our problem is that we are shooting this music video at night... with night vision - in the middle of the woods.

We are 10 minutes away from electricity and lighting.

Right now my bedroom is full of torches, glowsticks and halogen spotlights. This will be our arsenal against the darkness. I have put together a small team of good hard working profesional people and together we will overcome the cold and the dark.

Tomorrow will be a good day to be alive.

But making movies/commercials/music videos - whatever... it is a journey... and along that journey you encounter things that will help you and things that will hinder you.

Sometimes this "help" can come from the most astonishing of places.

Maybe I will have time to squeeze in a blog tomorrow to record my last minute feelings.

If I don't get a change to say hello between now and then - don't worry, I'll be thinking of you guys when the blood sweat and tears flow.

Right now the panic has all vanished. I am excited.

There is a blank canvas and I am curious to know how we will fill it.

God bless


ps. Maggot - perhaps some Glow in the Dark Condoms are in order.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

The Horror...


It is 16:42 - There is a slight glitch that means I cannot personally hire the equipment required... I have spoken to my producer and he is agreeing to go through his company,
(I think he wanted me to do that all along, but he has been busy on another job and I had to do things on my own...)

There is going to be a kick-bollocks-scramble to get the paperwork done in time because we need credit agreements and proof of insurance and blah de blah.

IE. It gets done tomorrow morning, or not at all.

If it does not get done then things will change drastically. And when I mean change, I mean we are fucked.

Pressure either makes you fold, or makes you focus.

My precious readers, since I am on my laptop and hooked up to the net I thought I would share this with you... and at the same time, grant myself a moment of respite and gather my thoughts.

Roll on Monday is all I can say.


PS. On the plus side, my Boss has given me 2 days shift next week which will help make up for the money I am spunking away on this project.

What goes up must come down.

My excitement and anticipation has abated and now I sit in bed on my lap top worrying about the logistics of the shoot.

Most problems, it seems, can solved with either Time, Money,and the worst problems will require both. Most of our stuff is organised and arranged and what remains should be solved in time. But we are short on both time and money - so any problems that arise will wreak havok.

Right now I sit and gently worry... The Camera Hire Deal we have got is not quite as good as we had first thought - and the collection and pick up is in the middle of nowhere. Since I do not drive, this is a nuisance. If I throw money at the problem then it is solves it, but then that is money that is now coming out of my own pocket.

That is right, there is a small budget for this project but this music video is costing ME MONEY - even though I am apparently doing it for somebody else.

Through my own expenses, lost income, and supplementing hire costs this shoot is costing me about £700.

I must not grumble because it is a false economy to do so. In 3 months time I will not miss the money, but I will miss not having a good looking project on my showreel.

So I cannot complain, but it is very alarming how costs can just spiral and shoot out of control. And there are other things that I could spend the money on.

I must sit and relax my mind.

We are professionals.

If the shoot is fun, is the shoot is tough, whatever - I must calmly do all I have to do. Others around me will be looking to me to set the tone and the atmosphere of the shoot. I must do my best to cultivate a professional atmosphere.

With such a small crew and shooting under such awful conditions it will be important to keep spirits high.

Anyway, no matter what happens - very soon this will all be over.

Let us cut forwards in time:

On Monday, the kit will be returned and the shoot will have been successful. After spending too much money and getting too little sleep this weekend I will spend the day indulging myself and wasting time.

But that is Monday - That is another time and another place and I will have to earn my place in that future.

Thinking of you all,


Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Hard Slog

Sometimes it is really tough organising and directing a shoot. Today some poor sap from our crew had the unenviable task of having to take time out of his busy day to meet up with two really hot 22 year old blonde actresses/dancers keen to feature in this music video.

This poor bastard then had to go to a bar in London to talk (over drinks) to them about the shoot and to talk about the style of dancing/choreography and then discuss the type of sexy/slutty/vampish costume they would wear. And whilst he would do this there would be lots of men learing over across the room jealously wondering how this poor bastard ended up sitting alone with two hot young blonde girls.

Anyway, since our pre-production crew consists of only two people I figure that I might as well volunteer for this task... since I would not feel right about asking anybody else to do anything I was not prepared to do.

It is a tough job.

But some poor sap has to do it.

Monday, February 07, 2005

The Roller Coaster

I always find shooting to be an emotional experience. My stress and panic has vanished. Now to be replaced my excitement and optimism. It is like a roller coaster with ups and downs. Experience tell me that no matter what happens, soon it will all be over and done - all I can do until then, is all I can do.

I had a meeting today with a lady who has agreed to co -produce and organise this shoot for me. This is good. My strength does not lie in this, and I am very glad to have found somebody who is willing to take on this responsibility. After my dinner I will go and check out the location also.

My role in this project, due to the low budget nature of the shoot is more that simply director... without me this shoot will simply not happen. This in in no was an attempt to "big myself" up. It is a reality. It was my idea to do the video in the first place.

If I do not pull my thumb out of my ass, the shoot will not happen.


If I cannot convince people to join in and get involved then the shoot does not happen.


I am learning how to manage and present myself. Essentially I need to lead, and make the decisions that a leader must make in order to attain vitory.

The last shoot I did, I was the first to turn up at the studio set (after spending the night in a hotel run by nuns and full of oompa looompas - midgets - See Mango's blog somewhere for details - I won Mango award for this story- for which I am delighted) anyway - as the first people arrived I was sweeping shit up off the floor and just tidying the set up. Most of the crew had never met me before and therefore did not know who I was. And I could tell that some were quite surprised to see this when they found out who I was. But I cannot expect people to come and help out and work together if I cannot demonstrate an ability to do more and work harder. In the end, it was the most professional shoot I have ever been on. The level of effort and passion was truly humbling.

Anyway, today I am happy - for this music video is going to be a beautiful thing:

We have a Good Song,

We have a Good Cameraman,

We have a Good script,

We have two lovely looking actresses

and We have the best fucking director in the world.

so what else do we need - We just got to go ahead and do it.

Fat Dude said it perfectly when he said,

"sometimes you just got to dive into shit"

Because already, I have made enough moves to overcome my initital fears. It has become enjoyable and right now I am well happy.

I hope that this blog can give you some insight into how this stuff works and what it is like from the inside.

Be safe and stay slinky, not stinky

xxx <---- for the girls.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Remembering the future

You know how some songs and things can really bring powerful memories back so vividly you can almost taste them? You know how you can close you eyes and it opens a window into the past...

Well now imagine the opposite.

Imagine listening to a song and then remembering the future. Right now I am listening to some music I have never heard before and it is having a very odd effect upon me.

One of the things I burn most brain calories pondering over, is idea of fate and predestination.
I do not wish to appear a vulgar enough to claim I have any knowledge of my destiny. But something in my heart is being pulled somewhere. It is my belief that something significant awaits me in a land many miles east of here in a country that spans two continents and a significant percentage of the earths latitude.

When I think about this, I find it to be a very intimidating concept which is as exciting as it is frightening.

I think when the time comes, however, it will seem the most natural choice to make and I will make it without flinching. But until then I can only do what it is that I must do.



(Little does she know is that I have a black belt in Breaking my foot off up in her ass.)


There is still time to vote for a date with me.

That is right.

You can win a real life genuine date with the Lord of Doom.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Fear of Failure

Shit shit shit.

Truly, I think one the the hardest... and yet most powerful things to do it to set a DEADLINE to yourself for a project you are leading.

Because then there are no longer any excuses. Things need to get done or else they don't get done.

I am so reticent to confirm next weekend as the shoot date for this little music video I am shooting. The problem is that I am effectively on my own with regards to the organisation - and I get panicky and disorganised. My producer is unavailable until late next week so his help will be limited so I am on my own.

Experience tells me that I can manage and overcome any problems... but there is that fear inside which haunts me. It speaks to me,

"put the shoot off, put the shoot off..."

And it is so immeasurably tempting.

If I delay, then I will find respite.

But then I will curse myself for my inability to organise myself and I will be pissed off for the delay.

So there is nothing to do. Other than plough ahead. But I am really unsettled about this. I have written out a list of tasks etc, and I suppose there is not THAT much stuff to do... but organisation is not my strong point.

Anyway, these are all stupid excuses.

It is my ambition to be master of my destiny. I want to learn how to do this stuff. So I have to just fling myself in at the deep end. It is just that it is frightening sometimes.

My fear is failure, and my reaction to this fear is procrastination - Of course... by procrastinating I am causing my failure anyway.



We have ONE major thing to organise and I do NOT know where to start. It is a CUNT. and it it really really fucks me off. I do not know WHERE TO fucking start.

I am gonna have to discipline myself and order my thoughts.... but where to begin...

Tuesday, February 01, 2005


So afraid am I of HG's wrath that I have volunteered to Auction myself off.

That is right.

The highest bidder will win a date with me at any time in 2005.



But in order to Earn DOLLARS that you can SPEND on the BIDDING. You have to LINK TO THE ABOVE SITE ON YOUR OWN BLOG. Every visitor you SEND there will be monitored and the HITS are converted into BLOGDOLLARS you can get to Bid.

For those of you too stupid to understand, I shall repeat.

a. link to heroinegirl

b. check the sidebar of the auction site and see your site and the traffic.

c. Convert the traffic you bought to to auction into a $ amount. Ihit = "I point/dollar"

d. make a bid in the haloscan comments using your blogging dollars wisely.

(I hope this makes bloody sense)

The Prize:

I will take the winner out for Sushi (I pay) in London (or maybe New York when I am there) and then a drink afterwards.

I will wear my best shoes, and I will also shave and wear my best clothes too.

I promise to be well mannered and I shall try my best to be interesting and more importantly, interested in you.

I shall also promise to turn my mobile telephone off for the duration and not stare at other women.

This is a opportunity that shall not come around again.

Lord of Doom



Maggot - don't bother voting, because I am not auctioning off my body.

Lap Dancers

All woman hate them.

For they bring out the worst traits in men and by doing this they bring out the worst traits in women.

It is 5:21am on a Tuesday morning and I have just got in and I am beaming from ear to ear even though my wallet is empty.

A Lap Dancer's job is to make a man fall in love with her. They get this right and then the man is powerless. The club we went to was large, decadent and designed to part a fool from his money like nothing else on earth.

But let us rewind for a moment.

It is my good friend's 27th birthday and following the success of our expedition to the Lap Dancing club on New Year's Eve we figured it to be a good idea to go again. So we did. Three of us. Young, free and single

New Year's Eve was good practice and training for this event. Since NY was quieter it allowed to be introduced to the etiquette and the *way it works*.

So I knew to be on my guard from the moment I walked into that mother fucker. The girls are like hawks. (like muggers even, probing for signs of weakness)

My two friends went to the bathroom so I walked into the main room in the club alone. Within seconds a very attractive dark skinned girl came up to me and was pouting and whispering in my ear.

I manage to fob her off with some bollocks.

I had a few moments of respite.

Moments later I am at the bar and talking to a very nice blonde northern girl. Suddenly my friends are behind me and they are being dragged off by two vampiric lap dancers into a private booth.

As they leave the girls turn to me and invite me and blondie along with them for a private dance. Politely I decline. I am at the bar with blondie and I am gonna enjoy her company a little. She teaches me a little technique to help say no to the myriad of dances who keep coming up and wanting to get friendly - and then she is off to perform a dance on the stage.

Within a few more seconds another nice girl is stalking over to me. She starts talking, but I am not interested in her.

I try the technique, "Sorry, I'm kind of waiting for that girl on stage to come back and dance for me."
"But you're so good looking, " She responded.
"yeah yeah yeah yeah." I fobbed her off.
"Well if you're gonna say, 'yeah yeah yeah yeah' like that then..."

(You know that walk a cat does when it sticks it's tail up in the air and shows you it's ass as it walks away?)

She did the lap dancing equivanlent of that walk to me.

Anyway. I go and sit down.

Two hours, Several Lap dancers and Lap dancers later I find myself really enjoying myself.

It is a game. It is an illusion. But like looking in the mirror and holding your stomach in - you choose to see what you choose to see.

Play the game then all is good.

Some of the girls were really stunning, all had flawless skin and make up, their bodies ranged from the petite to the artificial, from the buffed and toned to the more volutuous. All races and nationalities.

I managed to speak Russian to one.
(she was Czech and didn't understand a fucking word of it... but I tried.)

I did manage to speak Russian to one of the bouncers.
(But that doesn't really count)

I did speak a few words of French to the blonde girl and a few words of Italian to the Italian girl.

Oh the Italian girl.

The Italian girl was very aggressive, within two seconds of me saying hello she took my hand and led me away to a private booth. Not even "how are you?" and the slightest pretense of trying to be interested in me. She was cheeky and tried to get me to get a double lap dance from her and her friend. I am sure they started to curse me in Italian, but since I only know 5 words in Italian I don't think I'll ever know for sure. And then the tried the old favourite,

"Would you like me to carry on?"
Of course I would. But right now, "I'm fine thanks. That was enough."
Not the coolest line. But it abatted her bloodlust for money.

The Romanian girl was beautiful. Truly. How I wish I'd met her in a bar or somewhere else.

The Czech girl had a body to kill for.

The English girl...

I could go on and on.

In fact the whole place kind of made me want to become incredibly rich.

Towards the end of the night I decided to forego the fully nude lap dances - They are in a fucking dark room in the corner. Instead, for half the cost you can have them dance down to their g-string at your table or chair that you are at.

Personally, I find a woman to be flawlessly attractive in a g-string anyway, and it is more light in the main area as well as you having to be able to get two dances for the cost of a fully nude one. And I really like a girl who can dance - the way the moves... that is enough.

Beside most of the time I am looking into her eyes anway. For the eyes are the window to the soul and crucial in the maintenance of the illusion.

Lap Dancing clubs are dangerous fucking places. They distort your perception of reality, women, and how to relate to them. I cannot make a habit of these places since I do not think it is not a good idea for me to do so.

But - They are What they are... and if you know this then there is immeasurable fun to be had.

Like I said, it is a game.

And if you know how to play then you might be walking away broke as shit.

But you'll be smiling like a cunt.

xxx <--- for any of you who have ever danced for money. I love you.