Monday, July 31, 2006


So this weekend I went out - I actually went out to a club/bar/restaurant up in Mayfair and a totally chilled out and cool evening was had.

Funny, I didn't realise how stressed and vexed I had become over my objective to be a commercials director. The last few weekends have been spent slaving away and every single day I have been doing something or another for my reel etc so there has been no real escape for me.

So I went out and chilled out.

And on Sunday I chilled out too.

And it was the best thing I could do. I also managed to speak a lot of Russian with a woman who was there too... and I totally NEED to continue with my russian lessons because being able to speak this exotic language is a skill I totally dig having.

Anyway - I was gonna spend today contacting TEN production companies but I managed only ONE. Not because I am lazy - but I suddenly realised that I need to put together a montage of all my work (and include my older stuff in the montage only) so I have spend that last 12 hours slaving away over a laptop cutting ALL my work down to 80 mother fucking seconds.

That's it.

80 seconds.

Cos no cunt is gonna sit through my whole showreel. So I have reduced it down and set it to "The devil is a loser" by LORDI - a kitcsh tune.

But this causes a few problems because I have already sent it out to about 20 people and 2 production companies. And the montage version is better.

fuck it

Friday, July 28, 2006

Ghetto Fabulous

So, my girlfriend is returning from Paris, all of my friends are doing stuff and I have nothing to do.

So I take my first trip to blockbuster video in about a year. Virtually every film I see worth watching I have seen already. But I manage to pick out two movies that look quite interesting - two Westerns in fact. And I was taught in media studies that the whole Western Genre was dead. So I am intrigued by these two very modern movies.

Anyway, it's a friday night and it's dark outside in my particular part of South London. I leave the video shop and walk to the bank to get some cash for cigarettes. (I am wearing my brand new Nike Air Max for the first time and my incredibly expensive looking watch whilst listening to music on my 40gig iPod))

In the corner of my eye I see this dude walk up to me.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

I glance at him and shake my head.

As I walk on I see him signal for me to remove my headphones.

"Nah mate."

And I walk on.

As I walk, I give my standard response to mad people,

"Nah, mate - it's alright."

Walking away I see this shadow movie up alongside me and I see him again signal for me to remove my headphones.

Fuck it. I turn to him and take out my headphones.

I see clearly a 30 something skinhead dude with a string vest and a bottle of beer in his pocket.

"You're that guy who gets the rips from ******, I'm the guy who gets them to him"

"Yeah, yeah, that's right." I answer.

(my first choice of response was "Didn't you get send to prison? What are you doing out?" but I think I chose wisely)

"You do the videos, right?"


"Well, remember I played you that tune and you said you'd do the video for it one day when we finished the song?"

So yeah - it turns I know him from a while ago. I sort of remember the song, but since i was strolling down the road in my own world the conversation we had was kinda all over the place.

Anyway, far from being some fucktard out to beg/steal/kill he wanted to know if I might be able to direct the music video for a R'n'B artist who is the nephew of a rather famous footballer.

And if he is not bullshitting then they have a lot of money available. Which is funny - cos I NEVER hear people tell me they have money.

But anyway - we'll see how it goes. He said he'll call by Wednesday.

I bet you he won't.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Perception Versus Reality

I am certain that the above has been the title of one my previous blog posts from times gone by. It is a very interesting concept - what defines our reality ? -our own perception - or how others perceive us - or some bastardised combination of the two? Or perhaps none of the above.

Is how I portray myself on this blog close to the valid reality I exist within? Well, I choose to share what I choose to share - and any determining here will be subjective... because there is neither angel nor devil upon my shoulder.

Anyway, that is a digression.

For the last few days I have been sending out my directing reel. Mostly so far I have been sending to people I know, and waiting for feedback and advice before moving on.

Soon, I will start sending it out further and wider - but according to some advice I received today it might be more worth my time to choose a small number of ad agencies - maybe FIVE - that would be a good number - And harrass the living shit out of them.

Make them know my name.

Until they relent.

And give in and give me a job. I know I can do what I can do - and I finally have the evidence to proove it.

But it is hard - I am scared to push myself - perhaps it is rejection I am afraid of, perhaps the sum of all my work and the culmination of blood sweat and tears is too precious to me to casually and recklessly throw out in every direction.

I am passionate about what I do, and I love doing it more than anything - but I feel like an outsider - perhaps inside I feel like I don't deserve success - I'm in a comfort zone at the moment and I need to step out of it.

These things do develop naturally, I am 1000 times more ready to do this now than I was 5 years ago - I cannot be sure if that was an inevitable and natural progesssion, or because I pushed myself to succeed at the things I pushed myself at which in turn created habits which because natural.

Either way, I need to step up my game. And it will be tough. But it is what I need to do. Step out of the comfort zone and up the tempo.

All fun ad laughter

But I wouldn't want it any other mother fucking way



Today I had coffee and a chat with a remarkable young woman - I say remarkable because she shared with me advice and ideas that, although I was already familiar with them - it had taken me YEARS to figure all that stuff out - and she was only 22! If I knew that stuff when I was 22 then I'd probably have taken over the world by now. But she was a charming and lovely woman, so I wish her very good fortune and hope we meet again. Perhaps had I known I would have been with her for so long, I would have suggested we get sushi - as she is a serious fan.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

so WHAT do I do with my showreel?

After months and months of waiting - now that I have my showreel completed - what do I do with it?

I am sending it out to all personal contacts first, friends, and friends of friends and so on.

But what really happens? It is quite a basic reel - nothing exciting or masterfully executed. But it demonstrates ability to direct.

Every cunt has to start somewhere - so what about me?

I have a list of production companies in London. It looks like there is cold calling to do.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

I am not a proud man

I've worked and I've paid my taxes, so in my time of need (relative of course) I am currently unemployed and registered so.

Anyway, a little while ago I was sent on a course to 'help me back to work' a course which I could have given, and indeed a lot of the time I actually did.

Nonetheless, I met an assorted bunch of people and amusingly enough all of our fears were he same - before the course we all thought that the others on the course would be degenerates and misfits.

Actually it was very, very fun. I had lunch each day with ex-convicts whose stories and lives I found fascinating. So much so that one of them has inspired me on a short filmn script/feature film script I am developing. Of course, I learned about various degrees of criminality as well but since I am a good-wholesome young man, none of that makes any difference.

I find different people engaging on so many different levels - put too many types of one person in a room and I find it profoundly dull. But it is the variety and complexity of various group dynamics that I find enthralling.

It is not often we find ourselves cast together with strangers from different backgrounds - but it's fun and can be very revealing.

Thursday, July 20, 2006


After months and months of blood sweat and waiting my DIRECTING SHOWREEL IS NOW COMPLETE.

That's right, you mother fuckers, I can now officially taut myself as a director looking for work. And all my whining about waiting for other people is now OVER.

Of course, I might remain 'looking for work' for quite some time.

But now begins PHASE TWO whereby the preparation and the warm ups that I have been doing are now all put into place... and the game begins.

I am entering a point in my life that I have been waiting for, for 2 years. I am genuinely excited at the possibilities that are in front of me. Who knows, maybe now it's a piece of piss... who knows? maybe now the REALLY hard work comes.

But either way, I now have something to back up my ambitions. Something solid - it might now be the best showreel in the world - but it is a start.

Any of you want to see a copy? then drop me a mother fucking e-mail and offer me something priceless in return - because this showreel is my fucking blood sweat and tears.


Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I've been busy

I edit, render, re-cut, render, apply effect, render,

ALL of this made needlessly more complicated by the fact that shit cunt binary intel Macs do not run the older (1-2) years plug ins and stuff.

I am busy - real busy. Sorry for lack of posts

I haven't forgotten you all.


Thursday, July 13, 2006

Up the Pressure

Literally, beyond a couple of music video meetings and script meeting - my life has been hunched over by Macbook Pro and my old G4 powerbook... which I have both together on my desk like some special forces comman centre.

Moviemaking and blah de blah is deeply unsocial as it is social - half the time is spent out there meeting people and doing stuff and the the other half is tucked away in tiny pockets of darkness.

It's nice - with most things the balance works well as both sides are contrasted by each other.

The test commercial is almost done - with a following wind I might get it done tonight... the post sound on the short film is quickly chasing behind. Perhaps I need to forsake doing a picture grade as that might be unneccessary... it will be time consuming to say the least.

I am so close to finishing my objectives - I forgot what it felt like to be productive.

I just need to have faith and follow through.


Sunday, July 09, 2006

Shit Cunt Binary

My Apple Mac is great...


The fucking stupid Intel Mac means that I have to update 75% of my software which includes 100% of my CORE IMPORTANT VIDEO EDITING SOFTWARE.

Final Cut Pro was fixed ages ago - I got the UB version before I upgraded... So was Soundtrack Pro... But I had to update fucking Quicktime Pro, all the shitty fucking Codecs I used to use needed to be replaced... the AC3 is not even supported yet.

BUT one software I have been unable to update... mother fucking DVD Studio Pro means my OLD SHOWREEL CANNOT BE FINISHED ON MY NEW MAC because the software does not work.

What an arse... I had it all ready so I had to drag and drop the files into place and my summer showreel 2006 would be finished when my projects were.

But no.

I NEED DVD STUDIO PRO 4.1 before I can DO ANYTHING more to my showreel.

I'm in a pickle...can anybody help?

Friday, July 07, 2006

The Big Push

It is my ultimate life/career objective to make movies. In the short term term I aim to become a commercials/music video director. But longer down the line I want to make movies.

I say this because recently I have lost momentum - but the day is not done... I have pulled out all of the stops and with no hesitation I am moving forwards with all cyclinders oiled and pumped up to get my shit done and dusted.

I have opted to complete the post-production sound on my short film myself - fuck waiting for anybody else - I have not done any PPS work since I was 20 and a few things have changed since then... I used to use a programme called Soundscape which rocked back then.

Now, of course, I can sit in my bedroom and do it all on my laptop - it is taking me a while to get back in the saddle - but back I am. SOUNDTRACK PRO is quite a nifty programme - not industry standard but it does the job that it says it does.

I am also whacking in some special visual effects using Adobe After Effects, but since I have ZERO training on this it is taking quite a lot of time.

FINAL FINAL delivery of the music video takes place tomorrow and they want to talk about the next two videos which is good for me.

Anyway, the point is that I am doing what I need to do because for too fucking long I have been talking about getting my Directing Showreel completed and as of yet it is NOT.

There are some comprimises being made about the material being featured - the new compositor is unavailable to complete the job so it seems that I have to use the old fucked up version of the Test Commercial... but ce la vie.

Either that or wait another fucking 3 months.


I'm back, mother fuckers - and watch out because I burn when I'm not and I'm smoking like a mother fucker - the end is in sight and then I BEGIN PHASE TWO.

(one day I will look back at this and wonder what all the fuss was about because I will take my inevitable success for granted and forget the trouble and effort I went to in order to accomplish my ambitions.)

My love to you all, my children


Thursday, July 06, 2006

Cliches as cliches go

There is a reason why chiches become cliches - and that is nothing to do with the poeticism of the saying or the writer's laziness.

It is because they are fucking true.

So here's a cliche for you to mull over:

If you want something done right - do it yourself.

I cannot be arsed to explain this further so just trust me.

In other news I am busy using my Macbook pro to do the Post Production sound for my latest short movie - I LOVE post production because after all the blood piss and tears you finally actually see your work come together.

love you all


Tuesday, July 04, 2006

I am a diamond....

On Saturday after barely any sleep, I woke up bright and early and went to my friend's house to dig up his patio.

So if you add it all up:

60 square meters of smashing concrete

5 tons of rubble

2 fry ups

3 cups of tea

3 cups of coffee

1 curry

1 radio blaring playing Kiss Fm (not listened to for 4 years or something)

1 football match on tele

1 sun tan

40 cigarettes


I am a proper geezer - if only for 1 weekend.