Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Mission Impossible?

MISSION OBJECTIVE - To establish contact with the host family.

CONSIDERATIONS - You will be dropped deep behind enemy lines. You must remain there for 2 days before hitting the RV and returning to base. Locals are to be considered hostile.

Be advised that a cat lives in the house and this might bring you out in an allergic reaction. You must also try to control your continued food poisoning.

Storage space will be limited - In your inventory you must take

i. Your Deadly charm.
ii. Your midnight blue custom tailored 2 button suit. (Fitted look style)
iii. your brilliant white Gieves and Hawkes double-cuff slim fit shirt (which you bought yesterday)
iv. A large bouquet of flowers. (Which you must choose and purchase once you are behind enemy lines.)
v. Your personal communicator.
vi. Your gilette mach 4 turbo extra sharp vibrating razor blade.
vii. Your Jasper Conran Man Aftershave.


I have just returned from up north. I virtually met my girlfriend's whole family - and ALL of them for the first time.

It was a wedding I went to - my not so hidden agenda was to make a good impression on them. According to battlefield intelligence reports I accomplished this task successfully. The final debriefing session on the train home as I returned to London with my head held high confirmed the early intelligence reports:

They liked me.

Woo hoo.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

my mortal body...

I am in bed - weak from food poisoning. Watching DVD's makes me feel slightly better.

I am certain it was that mother fucking curry I had on Sunday afternoon. Fuck them - I have spent last night and today squirting my lifeforce out of my ass.

One day I will be free of this weak and puny body ands I will soar through time and space. Until then, I must endure the constraints that my this pathetic shell imposes upon me.

At least I have given up smoking, I reverted back to smoking 20 a day for a couple of months and two weeks ago I quit. Of course I was grumpy like a total bastard but already I feel better and more alive.

Peace, love and good health to you all.


Saturday, May 21, 2005


I got the remix of the track I shot the music video for a couple of days ago... and I like it, although it did not fit the current video edit as well as it should have I jigged it about and the video now really goes well with the remix.

The problem was that I then had 2 x 25 second chunks of video with no fucking footage too put inside.

Being devious and lazy and decided to make a lot of the footage half speed (and therefore twice and long) to fill the gap - and lo and behold it actually works better, creating a really nice contrast between the half speed footage and the full speed dance footage.

Which goes to show that artistic acheivement is as much luck as it is judgement.

Anyway, I am really liking the re-jigged video, I still have a few hours to sit down and finish it off but I am really quite happy with it. Tonight I am off to a party at some VIP room in some trendy club in London.

I must be getting old, but I really cannot be arsed.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

My Wife? My Love? My Life.

My name is Doom and I am 26.

Sometimes I see the future.

Or rather,

Sometimes I feel the future.

I have written this before somewhere, I heard it from a friend, and I like it,

"Somewhere out there is my wife, the mother of my children, I do not know who she is, I am thinking of her now. I wonder, is she thinking of me?"

I believe in fate, I believe in destiny, I believe that we are given what we need and it is for us to do as we please. Sometimes I believe that no matter what - not with all things, but occasionally, the eventual outcome of our actions is the same, no matter what choices we make. We still make a choice, which we can learn from, but have to answer for.

I am not militantly scouring the planet for a wife to bear me children, but I have one eye open to the reality that my wife exists, I just do not know who she is. It is up to me to recognise her when I do.

But how do I recognise somebody I do not know? How quickly will I realise that somebody is the one? How quickly will I realise that she is not the one?

I look at my girlfriend and in my head I ask myself, "Are you the one I know, yet do not know?"

In my heart I have carried clues as to her identity for a while.

And in my heart I always seek to feel the truth.

My mother knows the answer because I have told her.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005


I have to announce that I have somehow witnessed a miracle.

Although I eat Kentuckuy Fried Chicken for breakfast about 3 times a week, and eat too much Chinese and Indian takeaway I have mysteriously managed to lose weight and now I am 11 stone. (77 Kilos) - For a 5"10 male that is quite good.

I have not been this weight since I was a fucking 19 year old.

I am soon 27, and yet somehow my body seems to be aging backwards.

I actually had to go to the gym and weigh myself on their scales to check that my own were not fucked.

And it confirmed what I suspected.

I am 11 stone.

77 Kilograms.

That is so fucking awesome that I have decided to spend a stupid amount of money on some D&G or Bruno Banani underwear so that I can celebrate my toned and slim body.

Fuck me.

I have become like a gay man.

But truthfully, I have some suspicions as to why it has happened - it has something to do with the love of a good woman.

Important Announcement.

With immediate and total effect, I hereby renounce my Lordship.

I forfeit all rights to my kingdom, my people and my followers. I willingly forego my rights and special privilidges - also I revoke my political ties, connections and influences - calling upon them no longer. Importantly, I release my Army of Flying Monkees into the wild, calling upon them in times of need no longer.

The Lord of Doom is no more.

I am to be hereon known simply as:

Doom, the Fallen.

And to my friends: Doom.

A weakling. A mere mortal.

Now I am as pathetic and lowly as you, my dear reader.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Embrace the Abyss (part 2)

This is part 2 of a story, Part 1 can be found here.

I sat opposite my friend - conscious of the situation, but not overwhelmed. She excused herself and the left the living room for a few moments.

I sat waiting, calmly smoking a cigarette and I heard her fiddling with the front door. She returned. It seemed quite certain that she had locked the front door and pocketed the key.

My understanding of mental illness is not vast, but being a madman myself and living with and around mad people I have figured out a few things. It was these things that I kept of almost repeating to myself like a little mantra.

How to be sympathetic without becomming embroiled in the delusion? I asked myself, so I listened and when confronted with something too challenging I just said,

"Hmmmm, that's interesting."

Luckily enough she seemed to calm herself down. I knew I was getting through. It had taken quite a while of me listening to me to find the correct angle to come in and offer the solution. But everytime it would slip away and I would lose the initiative.

So patiently I steered the conversation away and around back towards the hard part,

"I'm a problem solver," I said to her, "I'm here to solve - that's why I'm here tonight. That's why you invited me into your house - you know what it is you have to do. You said yourself that you're a fighter. Well you need to fight the good fight, one call and I can fast track you towards that fight. But we can't do anything unless you say you are willing to fight that good fight."

She was looking at a nervous breakdown, she knew that her perception of reality was not straight and she needed help. She was neither aggressive nor outwardly paranoid; at least as far as I could tell.

But she was all alone in that flat, all alone with these stories in her head, all alone with these problems (real or imagined) ... all alone.

I had done some simple homework before I went round, I had the numbers of the hospitals and clinics and also I had vaguely familarised myself with the informal admission process.

She looked at me, I could feel the relief, both in me and in her, I clutched my mobile phone in my hand,

"Just say Yes." I told her. "Just say yes, and we'll do this, we'll do it right now; tonight."

In the end she did say yes, but we never went that night. She went the next morning. It was the right thing to do for her and probably for me too. She called me the next morning and I took a prayer book to her in the hospital. She had sorted out her affairs and taken herself to the mental hospital to admit herself.

But after all that, after all that effort - after all she was willing to do in order to win the big fight - she was not admitted.

The doctor saw her and simply prescribed some medication. From what I understand, she will be on those drugs for the rest of her life.

I do not know whether that was the right or the wrong decision for her but she was willing to fight the big fight - which in my book was worth everything.

Today is now Thursday, she will have been on the drugs for 3 days. I hope she is okay.


Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Entering the Abyss (part 1)

It was late last night when I walked into her flat.

I had stood outside waiting for her to answer the door. As I waited I caught a glimpse of the future for a moment.

"Sure," I planned that my response would be. And I imaged myself pulling out a cigarette and passing one over.

"Excuse me, do you have a spare cigarette, please?" the girl on the street came over and asked.

"Sure," and I reached into my pocket and gave her a cigarette. The girl thanked me and left. It had happened exactly as I had seen it. But this girl was not an important part of the story - all it did was make me aware of was how in tune I was.

I finished smoking my own cigarette as I waited for my friend to come down and meet me. I glanced around, I did not want to make it too obvious that I was scanning my surroudings but it was 11 oclock at night and this was an estate that I'd never been near before.

From the darkess inside she called my name and opened the front entrance door. I looked at my friend and smiled.

"Are you going to invite me in?" I asked her.

Everything in her body language was wrong. It was unnatural - but clear as day I sensed hesitation.

"That depends where you are coming from?", she probed.

I looked her in the eye and with the most sincerity possible I told her the truth. I knew that in order for my plan to work, I had to get her to invite me inside. None of this would work unless she wanted it to.

"I'm coming from a place of love."

As I had been riding in the taxi over to her flat my mind had been wondering. I remember the horror movies I had seen and for a seconds I questioned the wisdom of what I was doing. Every time I tried to calm her down and say something positive on the telephone it crackled and cut out.

She said, "uninvited guests are not welcome. There is something guarding the door. You will not get through."

I did not mean if she meant the police, a guard dog, a loyal friend or the evil spirit of a murderer. It had crossed my mind that she might even mean herself - under various conditions people can become extraordinarliy dangerous and violent.

I had even turned around and decided to stay at home, until my mobile phone rang through a text message from my girlfriend, "Trust your instinct" she had sent to me, "you'll know what to do." and then i turned back and marched off back towards the cab company.

And now she looked at me and then beckoned for me to come upstairs into her flat.

It was of moderately size and dimly furnished. I noticed her lock the front door behind me. Then we entered the lounge and sat down.

It was at that moment as I sat opposite her that the sheer insanity of it all hit me. She looked so odd, her eyes were alive, yet they lacked her normal compassion. The were animated, yet the humanity was displaced. Listening to the words she was saying I stared at her: The picture was perfect, the noisy wallpaper, the ghastly lighting, her rigid posture, the old chair - her odd chatter.

I had suceeded in getting her to invite me into the house.

Now I had to succeed in getting her to agree to come with me to the mental health clinic and voluntarily admit herself.

Friday, May 06, 2005

I, Samurai

A Lord of Doom first - the first time I have ever been so bored as to fill up my Blog with shit. But, so impressed am I with me being a Samurai that I had to declare it to the world. Or at least to you.


You are a Samurai.
You are full of honour and value respect. You
are not really the stereotypical hero, but you
do fight for good. Just in your own way. For
you, it is most certainly okay to kill an evil
person, if it is for justice and peace. You
also don't belive in mourning all the time and
think that once you've hit a bad stage in life
you just have to get up again. It's pointless
to concentrate on emotional pain and better to
just get on with everything. You also are a
down to earth type of person and think before
you act. Impulsive people may annoy you

Main weapon: Sword
Quote: "Always do the right thing.
This will gratify some people and astonish the
rest" -Mark Twain
Facial expression: Small smile

Thursday, May 05, 2005

I Cannes if I want

Fuck me, but are stupid puns a waste of time.

Anyway, I have 1 short film in the short film market at this years 2005 Cannes Film festival. I am seriously giving it thought as to whether or not I should go, I will have some form of acreditation because of my film but I have not got enough behind my next two projects to really warrant a trip out there. My producer is going and so too are two of my good friends. So I have options for who to tag along with.

On a long enough time line I will HAVE to go out there simply because that is the place to be.


Arguments for:

It is will be a research trip, so that next time when I go with a more serious intent I will not be a total newbie struggling to understand what the deal is.

Arguments against:

What's the point? The projects I have in development are not developed enough to shmooze and network with.

It costs quite a bit of money.

Really, what IS the point... if I go out there WITH a proper intention then it will be totally different flex, and one I will have to deal with as and when the time comes, and now I would just be some loser like everybody else.

Maybe like many things I should just follow my gut - and right now my gut tells me that it is not the time. So go figure.