Thursday, April 28, 2005

Date With Doom

Last Monday I fulfilled my promise of offering a Date With Doom.

For those of you who do not know, or who are forgetful I shall briefly remind you:

As part of the Carnival of Sin as hosted by HeroineGirl I auctioned off a Date with yours truly. The Date was won by the lucky lucky Odd Muse. So on Monday she stopped by in London and gave me a call.

It would be most ungentlemanly of me to whisper about the details - Gentlemen do not Kiss and Tell. But I have a lovely time, we toured through Soho and went to a nice Sushi restaurant. (I, of course paid as per the arrangement and I was on my best behaviour and I turned off my mobile telephone for the duration)

Odd Muse was a charming and intelligent lady and Doom, The Fallen Lord was enriched by the encounter. She now knows the reality behind my steely veneer - and is now one of three ladies who know what I look like.

Nice to meet you, girl.

Peace and Love,



Monday, April 25, 2005

Adapt or Die - Hurrah!

It is 02:40am - I got fucking 3 hours sleep last night so now it is time for me to catch up.

Today I shot that music video I have been talking about... given the logistical constraints of the shoot: The budget, locations, artist, extras and so forth I feel I did the best I could do.

It was a totally performance based video, we did 3 sets up inside the club and 4 set up outdoors. This time I am not editing it which is good, because I really cannot be arsed, but I would like to nip to see the editor in a couple of days to see how the edit is coming together and make sure he gets all the stuff we need - and uses all the good stuff we shot.

On a personal level there are things I have learned from today, and more than anything, that is what today was all about. I was not born with the skills required to direct commercials/music videos/short films - I am developing them as I go on.

And with the successes and failures of today I must quietly reflect and make sure that above all else I learn from them. Music Videos are a different discipline from Drama/Commercials but as is a favourite expression of mine: I must Adapt or Die. And I have no choice but to learn how to handle my shit so that I get better and better.

Anyhow, for now I must rest.

Night Night,

Peace and Love

x <--- for Maggot, I miss him and he seems like he needs a kiss.

Friday, April 22, 2005

From Bad to Worse

The Following statements are True:

I am shooting a urban, hip-hop, grimey music video this Sunday.

It will my second music video.

The track is lively and fast paced.

I am shooting on HD (high definition)

We are shooting in a Night-Club in London, as well as a handful of outdoor locations.

The Following Statements are Also True:

It looks like we are going to make it up on the day.

It is going to be fucking chaotic.

My affable charm and laid-back demeanour will be tested to the limit.

It is now 23:18 and I have to call the artist at around midnight when I hop off work.

This ought to be fun.

I woke up at 1430 and I turned on my mobile; 6 voice mails and 3 text messages.

Most notably one from my producer that read:

"Fancy shooting this urban promo this weekend? Sunday is the only day the venue is available.... Let me know."

I called him straight back,"Run that by me again?"

He outlined some details.

Next I quickly called my boss for my regular job to cancel two days work - half of my Friday shift and my whole Sunday shift (lost money, but fuck it, my priorities lie elsewhere.)

Then I called back my producer.

"Okay. I'll do it."


As simple as that.

Sounds exciting but it ain't. Well it is exciting to me. But the reality is not so glam: the budget is virtually non-existant and the idea is gonna be really limited cos the locations are already set. It seems that it is only gonna be a performance based video and right now I have no idea what the resources we have available. I gonna have to make some calls.

Now, given the ridiculously small budget and the fixed location I am gonna have my work cut out to make it look bigger and better than it actually is.


My second music video.

This ought to be fun.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

I love London

Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner; that I love London Town.

Anyway, I had the wickedest of wicked nights out last night. We went to the big Salsa night in a big club in the Centre of London... I say 'we' and I mean, my beautiful girlfriend and I. Truly I can say that I was so happy to find out that she can dance... I had taught her a few Salsa Moves a couple of weeks ago but she has never done a lesson before.

When we got there she was quite nervous about it since it was a big club with a big dance floor and a lot of REALLY good dancers.

"Fuck it, nobody cares whether you're good or not... and besides, you're with me"

And then I took her had and dragged her to the dance floor.

I really pushed her hard and she did surprisingly well, little did she realise at the time was that I steered her right to the centre of the dancfloor where everybody could see us. But she took to it really naturally, honestly - I was rusty and I kept on fucking up but in my eyes it was better to draw attention to my mistakes and then shrug them off, than to let others notice her mistakes.

Besides, the vibe was so hot and the crowd so relaxed that if anybody honestly looked at us and remarked to themselves that we were shit then they can suck my balls.

I had a wicked time, and so did my girlfriend.

Maybe I'll see some of you guys there one time.


Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Music Videos and the Like

I have finished the Rough Cut for the music video.

This makes me happy, yesterday I showed it to the Artist and also to my Producer.

The artist likes it BUT he want to do some different stuff with the edit....this bores me since he really doesn't realise what it is I have accomplished with the ridiculously small budget he gave me.

Of course I want to do the very best that I can, and I know I can squeeze out a little more magic out of the edit, but I shall wait for the remix of the tune before doing so. But if he want to do more with the project I will use my version as my Directors Cut and then let him fuck it up as much as he wants.

Anyway, I must dash since I have things to do.

Got a nice girl to take out tonight


Thursday, April 14, 2005

Midnight in the dark

"Ja doomio shtu minja lubia tebia." I whispered into her ear, "Nua, ja nye-znayo puchimoo ja ne hachoo gavru."

Of course she didn't understand a single word. My soft, hushed tones gave only hints, masking my hesitation with a langauge I barely knew.

We were lying in her bed and the lights were dimmed. It had been my intention to catch the last train home - But with her the hours just disappeared and before I knew it, it was past 3:00am.

I got up and went to the bathroom. As I pissed into the toilet bowl I thought to myself of an expression I had heard. Maybe in some song, or on TV or on Oprah Winfrey or some shit. I decided there that I would say what I needed to say to her.

There are many emotions in the human condition. Even the most expressive of us will learn to hide some of them. I can thinly veil my contempt and my arrogance, but some things just must not be hidden. But still I had doubt.

I pondered my hesitation, and I questioned my unwillingness to open up.

Fuck it.

My vernacular.

But perfect in its conclusion.

Moments later I was back lying next to this perfect creature.

"What does that look mean?"

I smiled and said nothing; her eyes soft and tender smiled back at me.

"...because I think I love you."

She could not hide response. I saw the flash in her eyes.

She was stunned.

Not bad stunned.

But stunned.

She became the cliched animal caught in my headlights.

"That scares me," she said, "that word, love... it scares me."

I smiled again, "I know."

I told her of what I had earlier thought when I was taking a piss. The expression that I had heard was, If you love somebody you must let them know.

We hugged, and I told her again,

"I think I love you too," she replied.

I said nothing.

A few moments passed.

We hugged.

And then I kissed her.


Sunday, April 10, 2005

Public Vs. Private

It has been a quiet few weeks. Nothing newsworthy has developed. At least nothing that I am gonna blog about. A long while back I posted about the difference between Internal vs. the External changes and developments. Well, internal developments are boring to blog about but they are perhaps more significant and profound than the external. But the external stuff is usually more interesting.... but often shallow.

Also, I have always pondered how many details about my personal life I would be willing to put down here. The odd reality is that I am quite a private person.

I also ponder how long this blog will keep going for. I never started it to be read by anybody, I just liked the idea that somewhere I would be able to keep a record or a log of the changes I am trying to promote in myself and in my life. I heard the other day an interesting way of looking at things:

Each of us already carries the skills and abilities that we learn in this life - almost like a DNA blueprint - a baby is not a baby, it is an adult that is still developing - and we spend our days discovering what already exists inside us. So I wonder what is inside me, that I am yet to discover... I hope I am a good father and a good husband... of course I intend it to be years before I find out, but I wonder nevertheless.

Anyway, I seem to have a steady flow of readers, I am not sure who you are... but I am sure it is just the same handful of people flicking past every now and then.

So I greet you and thank you for dropping by.

Be sure to come back again sometime.


Sunday, April 03, 2005

Up in Da Club

So I am up in the VIP room of the Club sitting with a couple of girls. Of course, one of them is Russian - a friend of mine, and I have been practising a few phrases with her. Around her wrist is a luminous green glow-bracelet that I just gave her. I did this because the red VIP tag we were given did not match her dress at all. And even though the glow-bracelet was bright green, she appreciated the joke.

Anyway, downstairs in the club is a proper buzzing Old Skool Garage party going on. Upstairs now, the lights are low key and the music is soulful RnB - the bar is full of happy, good-looking people. There is no sense of menace or trouble that might usually accompany a night out in a big city. There are a lot of pretty young things playing at pretending to be grown up women. They are nice to look even though they virtually guarantee an altogether different type of headache.

I take a big tug of my Cuban cigar and breath it in to my lungs. The MC calls out my name over the music and I look over at him and wave. I turn to my good friend who is perched by the bar and I give him a friendly nod. The unmistakeable buzz that a good cigar gives is making we feel alive.

I think of a beautiful text message that my girlfriend sent me a couple of minutes ago.

And I am happy.


Friday, April 01, 2005

curse my addictive nature.

A couple of nice Cubar Cigars.


some Cheap cigars.


more minature even cheaper cigars.


20 fucking Marlboro Lights a day.

What a cunt I am. Cigars have always been my weakness. and now I am smoking. I must have rocks in my head.

Ah well.

In other news.

I had a meeting today with the animator for this test commercial. That is good. I need to fix up with the compositors next week.

Oh yeah, this beautiful young musician I have been chasing after is now my girlfriend.

I rule.