Thursday, April 14, 2005

Midnight in the dark

"Ja doomio shtu minja lubia tebia." I whispered into her ear, "Nua, ja nye-znayo puchimoo ja ne hachoo gavru."

Of course she didn't understand a single word. My soft, hushed tones gave only hints, masking my hesitation with a langauge I barely knew.

We were lying in her bed and the lights were dimmed. It had been my intention to catch the last train home - But with her the hours just disappeared and before I knew it, it was past 3:00am.

I got up and went to the bathroom. As I pissed into the toilet bowl I thought to myself of an expression I had heard. Maybe in some song, or on TV or on Oprah Winfrey or some shit. I decided there that I would say what I needed to say to her.

There are many emotions in the human condition. Even the most expressive of us will learn to hide some of them. I can thinly veil my contempt and my arrogance, but some things just must not be hidden. But still I had doubt.

I pondered my hesitation, and I questioned my unwillingness to open up.

Fuck it.

My vernacular.

But perfect in its conclusion.

Moments later I was back lying next to this perfect creature.

"What does that look mean?"

I smiled and said nothing; her eyes soft and tender smiled back at me.

"...because I think I love you."

She could not hide response. I saw the flash in her eyes.

She was stunned.

Not bad stunned.

But stunned.

She became the cliched animal caught in my headlights.

"That scares me," she said, "that word, love... it scares me."

I smiled again, "I know."

I told her of what I had earlier thought when I was taking a piss. The expression that I had heard was, If you love somebody you must let them know.

We hugged, and I told her again,

"I think I love you too," she replied.

I said nothing.

A few moments passed.

We hugged.

And then I kissed her.



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