Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Entering the Abyss (part 1)

It was late last night when I walked into her flat.

I had stood outside waiting for her to answer the door. As I waited I caught a glimpse of the future for a moment.

"Sure," I planned that my response would be. And I imaged myself pulling out a cigarette and passing one over.

"Excuse me, do you have a spare cigarette, please?" the girl on the street came over and asked.

"Sure," and I reached into my pocket and gave her a cigarette. The girl thanked me and left. It had happened exactly as I had seen it. But this girl was not an important part of the story - all it did was make me aware of was how in tune I was.

I finished smoking my own cigarette as I waited for my friend to come down and meet me. I glanced around, I did not want to make it too obvious that I was scanning my surroudings but it was 11 oclock at night and this was an estate that I'd never been near before.

From the darkess inside she called my name and opened the front entrance door. I looked at my friend and smiled.

"Are you going to invite me in?" I asked her.

Everything in her body language was wrong. It was unnatural - but clear as day I sensed hesitation.

"That depends where you are coming from?", she probed.

I looked her in the eye and with the most sincerity possible I told her the truth. I knew that in order for my plan to work, I had to get her to invite me inside. None of this would work unless she wanted it to.

"I'm coming from a place of love."

As I had been riding in the taxi over to her flat my mind had been wondering. I remember the horror movies I had seen and for a seconds I questioned the wisdom of what I was doing. Every time I tried to calm her down and say something positive on the telephone it crackled and cut out.

She said, "uninvited guests are not welcome. There is something guarding the door. You will not get through."

I did not mean if she meant the police, a guard dog, a loyal friend or the evil spirit of a murderer. It had crossed my mind that she might even mean herself - under various conditions people can become extraordinarliy dangerous and violent.

I had even turned around and decided to stay at home, until my mobile phone rang through a text message from my girlfriend, "Trust your instinct" she had sent to me, "you'll know what to do." and then i turned back and marched off back towards the cab company.

And now she looked at me and then beckoned for me to come upstairs into her flat.

It was of moderately size and dimly furnished. I noticed her lock the front door behind me. Then we entered the lounge and sat down.

It was at that moment as I sat opposite her that the sheer insanity of it all hit me. She looked so odd, her eyes were alive, yet they lacked her normal compassion. The were animated, yet the humanity was displaced. Listening to the words she was saying I stared at her: The picture was perfect, the noisy wallpaper, the ghastly lighting, her rigid posture, the old chair - her odd chatter.

I had suceeded in getting her to invite me into the house.

Now I had to succeed in getting her to agree to come with me to the mental health clinic and voluntarily admit herself.


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