Friday, December 03, 2004

2004 Highlights TOP TEN #1

I have just read a blog that had a post that offered such insight that it immediately brought me back to a moment 2 months ago - which I consider to be part of my Top 10 moments of 2004.

The blog was:

And it reminded me of this:

In no particular order. part 1
October 3rd 2004

Packed and ready to go I sat on the bus. Nobody really spoke. My two friends sat up front. Unlike me, I felt that they were really looking forwards to returning home. Out of the three of us, and indeed the rest of the bus who consisted of honeymooners and couples, I sensed that I was the only one on board actually leaving something behind.

The journey home was going to be long. The weather was hot, but I didn't care anymore. Outside I was a deep golden brown - inside I was grey. I held my passport and flight tickets tightly - 7 days before they had promised fun, excitement and sunshine. Now they offered nothing.

"Are you going to come back to Egypt?" She had asked me.
"Honestly... No." I had replied.

And now I knew that I was saying goodbye to someone and something beautiful. I put on my iPod, queued up a song and played it on repeat. The masochistic part of me knew that music would stir it up. And the song worked a charm. The melody stirred my heart strings and I knew that forever I would be able to listen to that song and remember the exact feelings that I had then.

I felt such a rush of emotion. I almost had to blink back tears.

It was not quite sadness, not quite joy, not quite longing, not quite sorrow. I quietly remembered the last few days and everything so simple and pure that we had experienced. Her soft skin, her blue eyes, her blonde hair. The words we'd spoken, the moments we'd shared.

"I'm 26 years old," I had told her,
"I am old enough to know better. This is no more than a holiday romance, but it feels so...."


I was leaving.

I gazed glumly from the windows looking out at the desert that looked so harsh. In a moment I felt a rush in my heart, the emotions gushing through my veins.

Everything was accelerated. For that whole week I had been a experiencing a heightened sense of consciousness, the highs had been so high, and the low was at that moment extraordinary.

The bus driver, the hotel staff who's waved us off, the passengers around me. If only they knew what I was feeling. But they never would, they never could, and if it was possible, I'd never share it - the feeling was mine. Totally mine.

I closed my eyes and allowed the feeling to permeate through me. Joy and sadness...But above all else gratitute. Gratitute for experiencing a meaningful connection with another.

I knew I would never see her again but that was one week I will be grateful for, for all eternity.


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