Fantastically Dull Stuff
This is probably the most boring blog entry I can imagine I have ever posted. So boring in fact, that I am tempted to delete it.
IN FACT I DID DELETE IT, BUT I HAVE DECIDED THAT IT IS STILL A FAIR AND VALID REPRESENTATION OF AT LEAST ONE ASPECT OF MY LIFE SO IT MUST BE INCLUDED.
There are two recent choices that I have been offered/and being groomed for.
1. To help setup a company and help run it as a company director/shareholder.
2. A consultant job/lowly managerial job.
Neither of these will take me in any way towards my short term goal of becoming a music video/commercials director. Equally, neither of these will directly "interfere" will my plans, but things are easier now since I don't have to "think so much when I am at work and I can expend energy in the ways that I require and not in the ways that are demanded from me.
Honestly, I don't know what I should do with either. I could simply go with the flow and do one or the other. I could do both but I am not sure. Saying NO is sometimes harder than saying YES. Either way, these are not Opportunities I am initiating, they are Opportunities I am simply reacting to. Boring and dull opportunities. I fear for my autonomy. I also fear that I might become some stupid boring loser doing some stupid boring shit.
But like many things in life I must choose wisely, and follow my heart. Oh yeah. I'm still pondering the question of my Russian Princess. I spoke with her briefly on Monday (it is today Friday). I really am confused as to what to do. Really confused. The choices I am making in life are getting bigger and bigger and the immense responsibility that I have to myself as these choices impact the rest of my life is also becoming more apparent. I suppose that is the awful part of growing up.
I like being carefree. I want to follow my heart and my passions in all things.
For a moment I feel fear.
I know it will pass. But I am fearful of losing my passion. Without it I will be a souless void. Strange that. I am not fearful of taking risks and chances. I am fearful of NOT taking risks and chances.
IN FACT I DID DELETE IT, BUT I HAVE DECIDED THAT IT IS STILL A FAIR AND VALID REPRESENTATION OF AT LEAST ONE ASPECT OF MY LIFE SO IT MUST BE INCLUDED.
There are two recent choices that I have been offered/and being groomed for.
1. To help setup a company and help run it as a company director/shareholder.
2. A consultant job/lowly managerial job.
Neither of these will take me in any way towards my short term goal of becoming a music video/commercials director. Equally, neither of these will directly "interfere" will my plans, but things are easier now since I don't have to "think so much when I am at work and I can expend energy in the ways that I require and not in the ways that are demanded from me.
Honestly, I don't know what I should do with either. I could simply go with the flow and do one or the other. I could do both but I am not sure. Saying NO is sometimes harder than saying YES. Either way, these are not Opportunities I am initiating, they are Opportunities I am simply reacting to. Boring and dull opportunities. I fear for my autonomy. I also fear that I might become some stupid boring loser doing some stupid boring shit.
But like many things in life I must choose wisely, and follow my heart. Oh yeah. I'm still pondering the question of my Russian Princess. I spoke with her briefly on Monday (it is today Friday). I really am confused as to what to do. Really confused. The choices I am making in life are getting bigger and bigger and the immense responsibility that I have to myself as these choices impact the rest of my life is also becoming more apparent. I suppose that is the awful part of growing up.
I like being carefree. I want to follow my heart and my passions in all things.
For a moment I feel fear.
I know it will pass. But I am fearful of losing my passion. Without it I will be a souless void. Strange that. I am not fearful of taking risks and chances. I am fearful of NOT taking risks and chances.
posted by Doom/Blondie at Friday, November 19, 2004
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