Sunday, July 03, 2005

When I was a Child...

When I was a child I used to think like a child - I used to act like a child. I knew no better. When I became a man, I had to put away childish things and forget the ways of the past.

The process was natural and simple. But when you look at it, it is such a violent and unnatural thing to do. Why throw away a way of being that is all you know? Re-learn? everything?

Fucked if I know what made me do it, I just did.

But this process is constant and ever changing. The world is internal and external and both are in a constant state of fluctuation. My world - the world I live in is not the same world I lived in yesterday.

But why change?


There is no answer I can give.

All I can do is trust my feelings and follow my heart. I spent yesterday evening with my beautiful 21 year old girlfriend. She is so utterly unlike anybody I have ever met before, what we have together is so beautiful and natural. I feel that one day she will be my wife - this excites me, and I don't want to fuck it up with her.

I never knew I was looking for her, but then I found her. Anyway, as you might be away of, we had a bit of a ruckus a couple of days ago (our first) but it is all over. I don't even want to talk about kissing and making up because this was so much more than that.

If it is possible to LEARN and it is possible to RE-LEARN - then by extension it must be possible to UNLEARN.

My mum once said that the only constant is change and in my heart these last few days have been fluctuating in all directions.

A confusing post perhaps.

But through it there is a spine:

Awe, enthusiasm and passion.



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