Thursday, July 14, 2005

Epiphany and THEN some...

A few weeks ago I was in a lovely family run Spanish restaurant opposite my beautiful 21 year old girlfriend.

In the middle of eating our payela I took her hand and gazed into her eyes across the table.

And then I had my epiphany. For about 5 minute I saw what it was that I needed to do. I was afraid because of the risks involved. But I sat there gazing into space.

She asked,

"what's wrong?"

"Nothing... I've just had an idea. Let me just think it through."

After a few minutes it subsided. I explained to her what it was I had seen and tried to rationilise how much of a fucking stupid idea it was.

But somehow I could not deter myself, even though it is now about 2 weeks since, I still know what it is that I need to do. It frightens me. And it exhilirates me.

Nonetheless, I then looked at her and we continued eating.

Moments later I felt a rush of emotion rising up within me that quickly surged into a wave that washed over my entire being.

As looked at her and for the first time ever, I couldn't help it, but she saw me shed a tear.

"What's wrong?" her obvious question.

"Absolutely nothing, trust me, everything is fine, look at my face, you can tell everything is fine,"

"I know it is, I can see, but I don't understand."

It must have been so obvious to her, there was no way I could hide a feeling like that moment I felt such tenderness, such longing, such love, such a connection with her that I could in no way hide it. Fo no apparent reason I was overwhelmed with emotion - literally overwhelmed with with joy.

I wiped away my tear and we continued our payella.

In fun I later pretended that the tabasco sauce fumes had made my eyes water but there was no need to pretend in front of her. And we both knew it. And that is what made it so special.

But the funny thing is, with her I get these moments quite often. It is like we both phase out of the limited 5 sense reality and temporarily slip into something quite different.

Neither of us take drugs of drink alchohol even so this is not a chemical high.

I feels good though. And it feels right

As for what my ephipany was....?

In time: all shall be revealed.



Post a Comment

<< Home