Keep my own counsel...

This girl.

She is rather beautiful. (used to do some modelling)

She is rather clever (studying medicine)

She is rather spiritual (same religion as me)

She is rather nice (I like her)


Problem.

She is 18 almost 19.

Is that too young? Am I too much of a wicked influence on her? I don't know, but from the FIRST time I stared into her green eyes, I felt a hot burning sensation in my heart.

xxx


ps.

There was *another* 6" blonde who was kicking about, but she is a waste of time.

This reminds me of Monty Python

http://www.glumbert.com/media/irack


Please check it out.

It's rather good.

I am SOOOO gonna burn in hell.

Today was a big event near me and I cooked a curry, which was part of a pot luck dinner and was eaten by 50 or so people.

Quite amazing as never have so many people eaten my cooking before.

Anyway, I saw my ex-girlfriend there and of course, we were friendly and civil - but she asked me how, "****** gurl, was?"

Because on her birthday last week, I sent her a text message meant for somebody else:
"****** gurl, doesn't it break your heart to think of the fun we might be having right now?xxx"

Anyway, she said it really upset her and she was out to dinner with her NEW BOYFRIEND and my accidental text message made her have to go to the toilet to regain composure.

But, considering,

1. It was SHE who ended it with me.

2. She is the one with the new boyfriend.

What the hell is she getting upset with me for?

All I can see is that she knows she has fucked it up with me and made an irreversible mistake.
When I saw her last, she asked if there was any chance for us to ever get back to together.

My response?

"None. Not one bit"

Believe it or not - but I feel relieved, I feel joyous - I am over the moon in fact. Today I flirted mercilessly with an 18 year old. She's hot (used to do some modelling), she's intelligent (studying medicine) she's spiritual (same religion as me) and she has nice legs.

I'm better off without my ex. But although it was her who broke it off... now she is caught feeling the sting.

xx

Ministry of sound: Mash up Mix 2007

Last night, I had to be dragged kicking and screaming off to London. We first went out in Bromley and it was shit.

All I wanted to do was go home and continue my descent into HORROR MOVIE MAYHEM.

But I was told, "Come out, it's these nights that you expect to be rubbish that turn out class."

So we went into town.

Went to my favourite club - which neither of my friends had been to, and they FINALLY came round to my way of thinking: Pacha rocks.

Kinda wierd, how they dragged me to my favourite place and they they ones who ended up converted.

Anyway I just got this album: MINISTRY OF SOUND MASH UP MIX 2007, and it is totally sweet.

xx

Lady in the Water (2006)

Do NOT see this film. Unless you are a brainless cunt. It is fucking shit.

Denial and Acceptance.

I am 28 years old. And it's amazing.

My transformation has had one major side effect. And that side effect is a feeling of profound acceptance and well-being.

To repeat, I am not sure if this is the right place to declare the exact nature of my transformation. But this side-effect i surprising.

The ability to recognise my place in this world, and to accept my total worthiness to be here is one I never looked for. But now that I have it, I am saturated with joy.

All the major religions speak of the fickleness of transitory joy and happiness. True happiness and joy comes from within.

It sounds silly.

Yet it's so shockingly true. With an outside yardstick, nobody would ever measure my life and see my joy. But I've never ever been happier. Joyful in fact.

I'm working on a new script, (one I first wrote 5 years ago) I have date with an 18 year old girl next week. I've started pumping weights. And I'm even closer to a financial void than ever before.

Love.

x